


Baby's Breath

by Honey_Bunie



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Bang Chan-centric, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, I use flower meanings as mini hidden messages oops, Kinda?, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is a Sweetheart, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, Love at First Sight, M/M, Minor Bang Chan/Kim Woojin, Minor Character Death, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Minor Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Mute Lee Felix, Muteness, Protectiveness, Seo Changbin & Lee Felix are sort of friends?, Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), a little bit. It's cute, im sorry, maybe? - Freeform, please read the chapter notes!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2019-11-13 06:02:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 29,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18026102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honey_Bunie/pseuds/Honey_Bunie
Summary: When the world has fallen to some sort of strange plant-like virus that takes over the body like a fungus, not much it worth living for... That is if you are alone.Lee Felix hadn't been alone long in this world, but it was already taking a toll on the poor boy. He was getting far too skinny for his own good and all the silence was starting to get to him. Felix just wanted to find his family again.Bang Chan, leader of a small survival group of eight, leads weekly raids to the city to get supplies for his group with his two best friends, but on their latest raid, he runs into one of the prettiest faces he's ever seen, even if they won't utter a word to him.Two worlds colide beautifully, both lonely and lost, but soon found once again.Finally Home...





	1. Gloxinia

**Author's Note:**

> Meaning: Love at first Sight
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> Also this is my first fic ever, so sorry if it's bad :)  
> I also have no beta so I'm sorry in advanced for any mistakes that are left over! But I tried my best!

It started back home, in Australia, a virus broke out. Scientist say it was dormant, laying underneath layers of earth just waiting to be awakened. A construction site, placed just in the right spot, began drilling and the virus was released. It was trafficked by strange ant like creatures, that crawled onto the workers and bit them alover, causing them to contract the virus and spread it to others. The virus was just like what you’d see out of a zombie movie, but worse. It caused boils and bumps to form all over your body, your blood turned thick and black, while your organs slowly beat and move, your brain withers and dies. Your heart continues to pump black ooze throughout your body, keeping it mobile. Since victims had no brain per say, the body acted on primal and basic impulses. Movements were jerky and spastic, making victims violent and unpredictable. The virus was particularly powerful in sunny countries and areas as the virus’s food source, it’s drive for life, was sunlight itself. The virus fed off the sun rays through the skin and pores of those it infected, keeping it alive and healthy. Luckly, the virus wasn’t very easy to contract and was fairly concentrated in the beginning. It could only be passed from blood-to-blood contact or passed on by saliva. As long as you didnt get scratched, bit, or kissed by an infected, you were safe. But, just as in the movies, the virus spread. First to the Americas, then Europe, Africa, even Antarctica, and finally Asia. The virus had spread in such a strange fashion, that no one saw, nor expected it. It took three days for the virus to fully take over, and by day two, you’d already have boils and be coughing up tar like blood. The virus was nasty and had no name. Some people claimed it was the end of the world, others just thought a cure would be found soon and it would all be over in a matter of days… Well weeks went by and more and more dead bodies filled the streets, more and more buildings burned and life had come crumbling down and in Korea was no exception. No country, no matter the distance was safe.

Lee Felix had been alone in this godforsaken world for only four days, two months into the infection of Korea. The cities had fallen, most streets were vacant and empty, void of life. Sometimes, in Felix’s wondering, he’d see a stray dog or cat, but he mostly saw the undead., which he avoided rightfully so. Those four days had been hell for the young aussie. He had barely eaten, rationing out his granola bars to last him since it was his sister Rachel who carried the food. For the last two months and since they moved to Korea, Felix had been surviving with the help of his family. Though Felix was only the middle child, he was still young and impressionable and when the virus spread throughout Australia, a place the freckled blonde had called home for so many years, something in him broke. He became vulnerable and lost, and his family decided protect him from this virus at all cost. In the first month, they simply just barricaded their house and it worked for a while, until some raiders broke in and tried to fight them. His parents were separated from them that night, and it was just him and his sisters wondering for another month. Luckly, they made it to the rural areas of Korea, avoiding the infected cities the best they could. This ultimately meant that they had to venture into the city every few days to get resources though, and Felix had decided to join his elder sister on her raid that day, four days ago… Now Felix was lost in the cities, surrounded by infected.

Felix found himself wondering into an abandoned convenience store, one of many spread across the city, but this one in particular looked almost untouched. He hesitated at the door, tightening the straps on his backpack nervously and took a deep breath before stepping into the store. He jumped slightly when the door beeped and sighed in relief. The building still had power, thank fuck. Felix tentatively took a few steps toward the food, checking over his shoulder quickly before pausing and standing on his toes to look over the tops of the aisles. When he didn’t see nor hear anything, he sighed once again and began to fill his bag with nonperishable foods, like dried fruit and crackers as well as grabbing a few packs of uncooked instant ramen. He carefully kneeled down to rearrange his bag carefully, wrapping the foods with loud wrappers up in his spare clothes to keep them from making too much sound. He quietly zipped up his bag and made his way over to the drinks and reset his bag down to fill it the rest of the way up with bottles of water. He had at least ten before deciding the bag was full. He hummed silently to himself in approval, only feeling the vibration of his vocal cords, his thoughts going back to his sisters once again. He wondered if they were okay and had water. He sat on the floor of the aisle, hugging his knees to his chest as he fought back tears. He missed them dearly and he felt so lost and alone without them. It was so strange, to be with them for so long, then to suddenly be on his own. It was nerve racking and scary to say the least. Felix could feel his heart ache for his family, he really hoped they were alive and well, looking for their lost Lixie. 

Bing!

The Convent store door open and the three men froze at the loud blare of the door. Overly cautious, two of them stayed at the door and looked around for any infected, while the youngest bounced down the aisles with a carefree attitude. Felix sat frozen in fear, hugging his legs tightly as he racked his brain for an escape plan. A small part of him hoped it was his sisters, but Felix knew better than to believe that. His sisters were smart, they were probably still out on the outskirts of the city. On shaky legs, felix crouched and slowly made his way to the cashier counter, avoiding being seen by whoever entered. Just as he rounded the corner, he saw the back of a tall man and a shorter one as they walked down the aisles, filling their bags with all the food they could grab. The freckled boy noticed that each one had more than one bag, three each it seemed. Felix kept his eyes on the two men and slowly crept behind the cashier counter, hiding amongst the cigarettes. 

“Jisung, grab me some cigs ya?” A deep voice called and the blonde began to breath quickly, covering his mouth with his hands and shutting his eyes for a few moments in an attempt to scrounge up some courage. Since the attack a month ago, Felix hasn’t trusted nor seen anyone that wasn’t his sisters. The young man was obviously scared, but he knew he had to get away. He could hear footsteps nearing the counter and he knew this was his only chance to get out of there. He didn’t know where the other man was, but he hoped it really was just two of them. Just as felix was about to jump up and hop the counter to freedom, a young puffy cheeked boy who looked around his age rounded the corner and froze. The two blondes stared at each other with wide eyes, a mixture of fear and shock in both their eyes. The boy just stared at felix for what felt like ages, causing Felix to glance away and muster up the courage to hope the counter in one swift move. The puffy cheeked blonde, who kinda looked like a squirrel, let out a surprised yelp as the freckled blonde slipped on the slick waxy floors as he tried to scramble away.

“Chan! Get the door!” Squirrel Face yelled, running after Felix, who looked over his shoulder with wide fear filled eyes at him. He managed to reach the door and was half way out it when a heavy force tackled him to the ground. He let out a silent choked scream and began kicking at the body that pinned him down. 

“What the fuck!? Is he infected!?” Someone yelled behind them and Felix could feel the panic sink in, laying down on him like a second skin. The person on top of him roughly flipped him onto his back and stared down at him with wide eyes. He froze, his grip loosening slightly at the sight of the boy underneath him. Felix froze under such an intense gaze, feeling tears stream down his face as he silently sobbed out into the air.

“Binnie, get the bags.” The man murmured, getting up quickly and pulling Felix up with him. “Shit, I’m so sorry! I-I-I… Fuck, um are you okay?” The man asked, hands hesitating to reach out and check the younger for himself. Felix wrapped his arms around himself and mustered up the best glare he could, taking a step back from the strange man. Squirrel Face ran out of the store carrying three loaded bags and a granola bar shoved into his mouth. He paused and watched the two curiously. 

“Chan, what the fuck are you doing? Its sunset, we gotta go!” Squirrel Face yelled, causing Felix to flinch and take another step away from the others. “Oh shit sorry! Didn’t mean to scare you Blondie!” He called out again and Felix shot him a quick glare. He took a deep breath in and out, and began to walk away from the others, only to hear running footsteps behind him. He froze and turned around to see the man who tackled him, jogging up to him. 

“Ya, wait!” The man, Chan, as Felix heard, called out to him and gently grabbed his wrist, looking the younger in the eyes. “Are you alone?” He asks softly, almost as if he’s afraid the question will break the boy in front of him, and in a way it did. The light in the freckled boy’s eyes diminishes and his gaze grew glassy with held back tears. He wants to shake his head no, but he didn’t, instead he just glanced around absently, trying to avoid eye contact. Chan could see those tense shoulders a mile away and nodded, mostly to himself.

“Come with us, we got more people back at our home. At least five other boys.” He began to explain, almost beg the freckled boy. “It would be safer with us, don’t you think?” Felix looked perplexed, confused and lost as Chan finished his little speech. He glanced behind him to look at Squirrel Face and Binnie? He wasn’t too sure of the others’ names yet. He silently hummed to himself, the vibrations helping him think as he nodded tentatively, ignoring the smile that graced Chan’s features. He began to gently pull along the younger by the arm, back to the convenience store. He gave the other boys a big and bright smile, while Felix kept his gaze fixed on the ground. The others began to speak in hushed tones nearby as Chan still has a grasp on Felix’s wrist. He seemed unwilling to let go, which confused the young aussie. He stared down at his hand, almost as if it had offended him. He was thinking a mile a minute, anxiety running its course through his body, causing his heart to pump loudly in his chest. Which only made him more anxious. What if there were infected around and they sensed his heart beat? What if he died right then and there and never go to see his family again? A quick squeeze to his wrist broke him from his thoughts and his head shot up to see what was going on. He let out a small silent gasp as his gaze met a softer one, an understanding look in their eyes as if they could sense that the freckled boy was too lost in his own thoughts for his own good. The two stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments before Felix looked away over towards the other two, glaring unimtiminadtily, but glaring nonetheless. He puffed out his cheeks in annoyance and glanced between the two younger men and the oldest, whom was still staring at him with an unreadable gaze. The freckled boy gently leaned closer to the older man, who’s eyes widened comically before flicking him on the forehead nervously and pointing to the others, who seemed just as confused by their leader as the strange new boy was. Chan flinched slightly and shot Felix a perplexed look before gasping in realization. 

“Oh” He hummed, looking over to the others and smiling widely. “Um, this is Jisung,” he said, pointing to Squirrel Face, “and that’s Changbin, or Binnie as we like to call him.” He said with a smile, while Changbin let out a low growl-like noise that startled the youngest slightly, causing him to jump. Chan bit his bottom lip to keep from cooing, but gently pulled Felix along, taking a few steps to his bags and pulling them onto his back, while never letting go of Felix. 

The blonde was lost to say the least. Why were these people helping him? Granted it seemed to be that one didn’t care if Felix survived the night or not, but the other two kept smiling at him, trying to keep him calm and at ease, which only proved to make him worry more. What were their intentions? What did they want from him? Felix didn’t know, which only scared the poor thing further. He paused, unmoving for a few moments, unwilling to blindly follow just yet. He could feel the soft tug of Chan gently pulling on his wrist, but he ignored it, continuing to stare at the three men with tentative eyes. His gaze flicked between all three of them, as if to asses the situation. Chan could almost hear the gears working in that pretty little head of his and it caused him to smile. “Pretty, its okay. We won’t hurt you.”

“Ya! If we wanted to, we’d already have!” Squirrel Face popped in, a big bright smile on his face, but a dangerous glint in his eye. It caused Felix to go wide eyed and take a step back, away from the dangerous rabid rodent.

“Jisung!” Chan screeched, looking worriedly between the two. “I’m so sorry about him, he’s not usually like this!” He tried to assure the youngest, giving him an apologetic look. “Sungie, don’t scare him.” He scolded and the boy only smiled wider, while Changbin just smirked. Felix could sense chemistry between the three men, they were obviously good friends, which only served to make Felix feel a bit jealous. They acted like brothers, maybe they are? Felix had no clue, but they reminded him of his sisters, causing the young boy to frown. He tore his wrist from Chan’s grasp and began to walk in the direction the group was heading, an awkward silence hung in the air. Chan simply jogged to catch up with the pretty freckled aussie, walking beside him with a worried expression. He could feel the negativity rolling off the boy in waves and it made him nervous and worried to the blonde. Jisung and Changbin took up the rear, chatting together, or more like Jisung chatting about random things and Bin would simply nod or give an affirming grunt and the occasional laugh. Chan and Felix continued to walk in silence, which was fine with both parties. Chan simply watched as the golden rays hit Felix’s skin, causing the boy to glow, while Felix just ignored the stares and kept his gaze ahead, looking at the horizon and praying to any god that was left, that his sisters were okay.


	2. Aster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix wakes up in a strange place, full of stray boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning: Patience
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> Again, I don't have a beta so I'm sorry for any mistakes I accidentally left! I do read over my work, but a pair of fresh eyes would be better in a way :)
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> Also thank you so so so much to everyone who left kudos and bookmarked my work! It really means a lot!

When Felix wakes up the next day, it isnt to the sun rays falling onto his face, the light irritating his sleepy eyes. No, there was no sun when he woke up, only a darkness. The blinds were drawn and the lamp beside the bed, was off, but the darkness wasn’t what woke Felix up, quite the opposite really. The darkness began to lull the young boy back to slumber, but something in the distance kept him awake and alert. He could hear the faint murmurs of voices, voices too far for him to recognize, but it sparked hope in his heart. He wanted to scream, cry out, shout to the rooftops. Hope burned his heart as he quickly scrambled out from under the covers, throwing them roughly behind him, and swung his legs over the side of the bed. He tried to run to the door, slipping on the blanket clad floor and falling onto his stomach. 

A loud thud alerted the others to a now very awake Felix. The eight boys all exchanged concerned looks, looking amongst each other for a few seconds before Woojin and Jeongin decided to go investigate. The two, oldest and youngest of the group, walked down the hall quietly, Woojin taking the lead, just incase of any dangers. The two paused at the door, looking at each other with concerned eyes and Woojin slowly creaked the door open and stepped into the room, only to see, Felix, sitting on the floor, rubbing his now sore belly. Frantic wide eyes met their and Woojin blinked in surprise as disappointment flashed in the freckled boy’s gaze. 

“Good morning!” Jeongin chirped from where he was standing behind the eldest, peering over his shoulders to the boy on the ground. His smile was infectious, but Felix kept a blank expression, despite the warmth that radiated from the two in front of him. The freckled boy gave a curt nod and pulled himself back up to his feet, keeping a hand loosely on his belly as if to protect or comfort the sore skin. The two in the doorway smiled encouragingly at the boy, causing Felix to blush in embarrassment and look around the room, glaring weakly. Woojin caught onto the awkward silence almost immediately and cleared his throat to speak.

“Are you hungry?” He asked gently, not wanting to scare the already on edge blonde.

Felix stared for a few moments, before the loud growl of his stomach alerted the others of his hunger. The blonde frowned as the youngest giggled and turned on his heels to lead the way to the kitchen. Woojin hummed and gestured for Felix to follow, who hesitated, but follows eventually. Taking tentative steps down the creaky old hallway, the blonde boy looked at the bare walls, hesitantly reaching a hand out to brush his fingers against the peeling wallpaper. He made a mental note to himself, pausing to rip a piece of the wallpaper off the wall carefully for future use. He silently hummed to himself encouragingly and stuffed the paper into his pocket and made his way to the end of the hall, only to have his ears be bombarded by the loud excited yelling of seven boys, one being the young boy who wished him good morning, now being held like a child by a boy Felix didn’t recognize. He looked around with wide eyes as the boys continued to be rowdy, unaware of the stranger in their living room. Felix recognized Jisung, who was excitedly talking to a pretty faced boy, and Changbin and Chan, who were sitting in the corner talking. Chan’s eyes were wandered the room, his gaze light and happy, until they landed on Felix. Something in him sparked, a huge grin spread across his face at the sight of the freckled boy, which caused a confused Changbin to turn around and frown at the sight of the same boy. 

“Good Morning!” Chan almost yelled excitedly, his voice carrying across the room and overpowering the other boys, causing them all to stop what they are doing and look over to the freckled aussie. All the eyes made him nervous, causing him to swallow thickly and give them all a small hesitant wave. Jisung and Chan both smiled at him, so did a few of the other boys, but at least three of the boys seemed hesitant, frowning at the new comer and keeping their distance. Woojin seemed to notice the slightly icy atmosphere, and gently placed a hand on Felix’s shoulder, ignoring the small flinch from the younger, or he simply didn’t notice it. He let his hand fall from his shoulder, back to his side, and began to lead the way to the kitchen. Felix looked back at the others nervously, before following Woojin once again to the kitchen. 

Chan watches with concerned eyes, following the two as they both continue down the hall. He continues to stare at where both boys disappeared, until Changbin punched him lightly in the arm, drawing his attention back to himself. Chan gave him a weak smile and the two began to talk once again.

 

 

 

 

 

“So, what’s your name?” Woojin asked as he placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of Felix, handing the boy a spoon before sitting across from him at the table. He hummed to himself, unsure of where to start so he watched as Felix hesitantly shoveled oats into his mouth without answering his question. “My name is Kim Woojin, am I to presume you have no name?” he asked, a bit more sternly, but still lacking any edge. Felix set his spoon down and made a writing gesture with his hands, moving one like he was holding a pencil and holding the other flat like paper. The eldest nodded his head, understanding, and got up to grab a pen and notepad. He slid them across the table to the boy, who wrote quickly in blocky letters ‘L E E F E L I X’. He slid the paper over to Woojin and nodded, going back to his oatmeal. The older frowned down at the note, taking it in his hands before standing up abruptly, startling the boy eating slightly. Woojin quickly apologized and left the room to go back to the living room. “Chan, can I speak to you for a moment? Alone.” He said sternly, leaving no room for conversation. Chan blinked, looking around to the other boys, worry laced his bones as he followed Woojin out onto the porch of the house. 

“So what’s wrong with him?” Chan asked, letting his worry seep into his words, searching Woojin’s gaze cautiously. The eldest frowned to himself, handing the notebook to Chan. The aussie blinked down at the name and frowned. “I don’t understand, Woojin, what’s wrong?” Woojin hummed in slight annoyance, giving Chan a soft smile. 

“The good news I guess is that I don’t think he’s deaf…” Chan blinked in surprise, raising a brow at Woojin.

“Why would you think he’s deaf?” Chan asked, causing Woojin to sigh softly, looking out onto the fields with a worried expression. 

“I don’t know if he just won’t or can’t, but he doesn’t talk Chan.” He says calmly, looking back at the aussie. He let out a small nervous chuckle before continuing, “God, I don’t think the boy has even made a sound since he got here. And I’m not doubting his worth either… His silence could be a great for scouting, but I’m worried.” He paused, thinking for a moment. “Chan, we know nothing about the boy. Luckily he looks older than Jeongin, but he’s still young. There’s no way someone isn’t looking for him.” Woojin gave Chan a sad smile, “What if they find us? What do we do then?” Chan blinked, frowning at Woojin’s worried expression. 

“Woojin, we’ll be okay, I promise, but we can’t just send him back out there.” Chan reasoned, his heart pounding with anxiety and worry, but his expression remained soft and gentle. “He said he was alone when we found him. We checked his bags for any weapons and only found food and clothes. The boy is sitting in our kitchen eating oatmeal like a child, Woojin. I don’t think he’d hurt a fly and that scares me more than who ever could eventually find us, if there even is anyone.” Chan bit his lip, a crease formed in his brow as he knit them together with worry. “Woojin, let me handle this okay? He can write, right? He can understand us when we talk. We can ask him questions and have him write the answers if you’re so worried. I’ll even have Minho ask the questions if it makes you feel better-” He’s cut off my Woojin’s laugh, the elder shaking his head. 

“No, don’t sick Minho on him.” He chuckled, but soon frowned. “He’s small, Chan. He seems too skinny.” Woojin says absently, knitting his brows together in thought and sighed. “Okay, I agree. We can keep him, but…” He paused, frowning, keeping his gaze out on the field. “...Don’t get too attached. I’m sure he has someone out there for him.” Woojin warned lightly, but sorrow was evident in his voice, almost as if he already knew something Chan didn’t. 

The sound of loud laughter broke the two eldest out of their silent thought, causing them both to wonder back into the house, to be met with the sight of giggling boys, all but three. Chan frowned softly at Changbin, Hyunjin and Minho, unsure as to why the three boys were so silent, but his attention was quickly stolen by a screeching Jeongin, laughing loudly and colorfully as Seungmin pulled him into his lap and blew raspberries into his cheeks. Chan smiled at the sight of the two boys having fun, feeling a swell of pride. He was able to keep these kids safe enough for them to act like kids still, and he internally promised to do the same for their newest little angel. Speaking of the angels, Lee Felix was sitting on the couch, silently laughing at something Jisung had said. He looked heavenly like that, shoulders shaking with laughter, the corners of his eyes crinkled happily as his smile was wide and bright, just like sunshine. Chan didn’t even realize he was staring for so long, until Woojin lightly elbowed him in the side and nodded his head towards the kitchen, gesturing for the leader to follow him. Chan looked back at Felix once again, only for his gaze to meet the softest brown eyes he’s ever seen. He blinked in surprise, feeling the back of his neck warm with a nervous blush as the younger gave him a soft smile and turned back to Jisung to keep listening to his rambling, eagerly nodding at something the squirrel boy had said. Chan smiled to himself and turned to follow Woojin into the kitchen, not noticing the glare Changbin shot him as he observed this leader stare so openly at the new boy. It was wrong, wasn’t it? To be infatuated with a stranger? Someone you barely even knew and yet Changbin had just witnessed it with his own eyes. He glanced around the living room to all the other boys, wondering if they knew too. He paused and glared holes into Felix’s back, suspicious of the freckled boy. 

Chan wandered into the kitchen, first noticing the half empty bowl of oats on the table, a pencil laying abandoned beside it. He frowned at the sight. Woojin leaned against the counter, frowning at the bowl as well, and letting out a soft sigh. 

“Smart. Probably for the best anyway, he’s skinny, probably hasn’t eaten a proper meal in a few days and knew not eat too much.” He hummed gently, adjusting his grip on the counter so he could lean more weight onto his arms. “You picked a smart one. Silent, but smart. He’ll fit right in here.” He commented with a light tone, mostly talking to himself rather than at Chan. “But, that’s not why I pulled you in here.” He admitted, looking Chan in the eyes. “We need to plan the next outing…” Chan frowned, but nodded reluctantly. He picked up the pencil from the table and twiddled it between his fingers, as he looked at Woojin with understanding eyes. 

“Still stuck on training the others?” He asked, with no bite to his words, but concern laced his irises like snakes. Woojin sighed in exasperation. 

“We have no choice. I need help protecting the house while you three go out and as much as I hate to say it, but god Chan, what if one of you doesn’t come back? How am I supposed to feed four hungry boys if we lose you guys? Jeongin is far too young still, and Felix is new so those babies are out of the picture, but I worry we may have sheltered the rest for far too long.” Chan opened his mouth to argue back, but Woojin shot him one of his rare glares, which quickly shut him up. “I want to train Minho. He’s been asking and I know he’s the most capable out of them all right now. I want him to learn how to shoot, before our next outing.” Woojin said sternly, leaving no room for argument. Chan sighed, nodding. He paused for a few moments before chuckling softly, giving Woojin a playful smirk.

“Woojin, don’t call him baby.” He teased lightly, trying to lighten the mood a bit, which had soured slightly between the two eldest. Woojin frowned and raised a brow at him. “Call him angel, since he’s so pretty.” He joked, causing Woojin to scoff and roll his eyes.

“Is that all you care about, a pretty face?” 

Chan hummed to himself, shaking his head lightly, knowing in his heart, there was something else about the freckled blonde in their living room.


	3. Holly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan wakes up in the middle of the night to the feeling of something being off and Felix almost learns something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning: Defense
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> Part 1 of 2
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> Hello my babies! I’m so glad you all are still reading my work! It means a lot! 
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> Sorry this chapter is kinda short! I was very tired while writing this one! :)
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> Also I have another Stray kids story idea and I was wondering if I should run with it! It would be a Changlix fantasy au where Felix is the youngest prince of Australia and Changbin is a castle guard of a well known kingdom in Korea. Let me know what you think!

Chan awoke on the cold and unforgiving floor to his lower back hurting and darkness encasing the room. There was no clock anywhere near where the leader had slept, but Chan had to guess it was about one in the morning or so from how dark it was when he looked out the window. Chan sat up slowly, rubbing his back with a gentle hand and stood up. Something felt off. His heart ached, a pull in his chest he couldn’t describe, alerting the older that something was in fact wrong. The aussie glanced around the living room, seeing Seungmin sleeping on the couch, Changbin sleeping lightly in the recliner with Jisung on the floor a few feet from where Chan himself had been sleeping a few moments earlier. All three boys slept silently, peacefully, causing Chan to sigh through his nose before looking down the hall to the bedrooms. 

There were only two rooms down the hallway, a guest bedroom Jeongin shared with Hyunjin and Minho, and a master bedroom that Chan usually shared with Woojin and whoever couldn’t sleep that night, but for the last few nights, the room had been occupied alone by the one and only Lee Felix. Chan hummed, feeling his heart pull him towards the door at the end of the hall, but he quickly poked his head into the first door, the guest bedroom door, to be greeted with the sight of Hyunjin and Minho sharing a bed, but keeping a few inches between each other and Jeongin and Woojin cuddling sweetly like a mama bear would her cub. The sight almost made Chan coo, but he refrained, not wanting to wake the others up, but his heart soon filled with tread. His heart still ached with worry and he knew then, that something was wrong with the freckled boy down the hall. Chan frowned to himself, quietly shutting the door to the guest bedroom before slowly making his way down the creaky hallway. He glanced to the peeling wallpaper, noticing how one particularly long strip of paper was missing, which only made Chan’s tread increase in intensity. His mind flooded with many scenarios, almost all bad as the aussie worried for the younger. He crept down the hallway slowly, trying to calm his nerves before he reached the door, trying to convince himself that everything would be okay, right? 

The sound of thrashing rang out through the door faintly, causing the aussie to feel panic grip his heart and mind. He quickly grabbed the door knob, turning it quickly before practically shoving the door open. His eyes widened at the sight of a thrashing and sobbing Felix, tangled up in the bed sheets and blankets almost like some sort of fabric prison. The boy was so tangled up that some of the fabric covered his nose and mouth, causing the boy to take panicked breaths, struggling to breath evenly. Chan was frozen in place for a moment or two, but quickly rushed over to the sobbing boy, ducking slightly to avoid a stray fist swinging in the air. He grunted softly as he struggled to pin down Felix’s thrashing limbs, worried the boy would hurt himself if he continued to move around so recklessly. Chan was panicking to say the least. He quickly gave up and chose a different approach, to wake the boy up in hopes that he’ll stop thrashing around. 

“Felix!” Chan shouted quietly, leaning in a bit to say it more in the freckled boy’s ear than into the empty air. “Felix please, angel, wake up!” He grunted out as a fist collided with his cheek, but he ignored the pain in favor of entangling his fingers with the small fist and shaking the boy lightly. “Felix, wake up!”

Soft brown eyes shot open, wide and awake as the boy scrambled to sit up, panting like a dog as he desperately tried to toss the blankets away. The older helped the other out from under the thick fabric, ignoring how big doe eyes watched him in shock. He hummed softly, soothingly before turning to look at the boy, only to be met with the sight of a crying child. His heart instantly shattered, as he climbed onto the edge of the bed and pulled Felix close to his chest. 

“Shhhh its okay… You’re safe here. Its okay…” He soothed in a low voice, gently petting the blonde locks of the boy now cradled in his lap, letting out heart wrenching sobs as he cried his little heart out. Chan was at a loss, a complete and utter loss. He knew why the poor boy cradled in his lap was crying, but at the same time he wasn’t sure. He knew it had been some type of nightmare, a bad dream, but what it was about was what he was confused about, but he didn’t have to know, though he’d like to, he didn’t have to so with that, Chan kept cooing and hushing the sobbing boy.

“Hush angel, it’s okay… You’re safe, I promise.” He whispered into the crown of Felix’s hair, kissing the silky locks lightly and flinching as another sob racked it’s way through the freckled boy’s body, causing the thinner boy to shake and shiver violently. Chan frowned and gently pulled a thick blanket around both of them and pulled Felix closer to his chest, cradling the back of his neck as he let the boy cry into the crook of his neck, ignoring the strange wet feeling of tears and snot rubbing against his exposed skin. His heart ached and fluttered all at once as the tiny boy in his arms nuzzled into his neck and grabbed two fists full of Chan’s old white tee shirt, pulling himself as close to Chan as he possibly could. Their bodies flush together would have normally made Chan blush a bit, but now was not the time for such childish things, though Chan could feel his mind wonder from time to time as he gently rocked the crying boy in his arms. 

The two stayed like that for a long time, just enjoying each other’s company, Felix buried in Chan’s embrace, while Chan just hummed whatever soft tunes he could think of. The stayed together for hours, until Chan noticed how Felix’s breathing had finally evened out, his heart aching as he thought about how this sweet angel had just cried himself to sleep from having a nightmare. 

Deciding he’d ask tomorrow, Chan slowly laid his back flat against the soft mattress, suppressing a grunt as Felix’s weight laid on top of him, but Chan couldn’t help feeling worried. Felix didn’t feel as heavy as Jeongin whenever he’d cuddle with Chan, in fact the freckled boy felt significantly lighter. He wondered, just how long had this boy not been eating proper meals? How long had this boy been alone before he had found him? He didn’t know, nor did he think he’d ever get to find out, but he was just glad to have found this freckled pretty boy before anyone else. Glad to have a new addition in his life.  
Chan’s train of thought froze for a moment, as Felix nuzzled his nose deeper into the crook of his neck and sighed deeply in his sleep, sending a small shiver down Chan’s spine. His breath hitched slightly as his heart fluttered and his stomach did a little flip, his whole face heated up as the leader blushed at such a simple action. He cooed softly to the sleeping boy and placed a soft kiss to the top of his cheek bone, pulling the boy a bit closer to snuggle with him comfortably. Sleep weighted heavily on the aussie as he smiled softly and let it over take him gladly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lee Felix woke up to a cold bed after spending the whole night so warm. His body felt like jelly as his eyes fluttered under his eyelids in the bright sunlight peeking through the closed blinds of the master bedroom. The sunrays danced across his face happily, as if to shower the freckled boy with small warm kisses. He groaned silently, curling up in the blankets, seeking any warmth he could find, but in his heart, he knew it wouldn’t be the same as last night. Something was special about that kind of warmth, almost as if someone else had been there, holding him, keeping him safe. 

Bang!

Felix’s eyes shot open, wide with shock as a gunshot fired outside his window, ringing out loud and clear, scaring away all of his thoughts and replacing them with one emotion, fear. He sat up quickly, throwing back the covers and running out the door and down the hall. His mouth hung open as if to call out to the others, but no sound escaped him as he frantically looked around the living room for the others, but was only met by emptiness and silence. It was always silence with Felix and frankly it was beginning to scare him more than reassure him like it used to. Fear and panic gripped his heart as the freckled boy desperately tried to call out once again, but the freckled boy was simply incapable of making noise. 

In his panic, Felix managed to catch a glimpse of Woojin on the porch, leaning against a pillar while looking out onto the fields. The sight instantly relaxed the freckled aussie as seeing Woojin so calm had to have meant that nothing was wrong surely. 

Felix quickly walked out the front door onto the porch, flinching as another gunshot rang out into the air. He quickly made his way to Woojin’s side, hiding slightly behind his back as he peered over his shoulder towards where the gunshots were coming from. His eyes widened almost comically as he was met with the sight of Changbin, Jisung and Minho standing out in the distance. A bunch of old glass bottles were lined up along the fence, being mowed down with such accuracy that Felix almost flinched once again in fear. He watched with a soft glint to his eye as his mouth hung open in awe. He leaned forward a bit until his chin almost rested on Woojin’s shoulder. He hummed silently, the vibrations tickled the back of his throat as his eyes remain fixed on the three boys out in the field.

Woojin glanced back at the freckled boy and smiled softly in amusement at his expression. He nodded his head towards the field, his smile growing wider. 

“Do you want to try?” He asked, chuckling softly as the blonde paused for a moment, but quickly gave an eager nod. Staring back at Woojin in awe, his big soft brown eyes burrowing into his skin as if to ask him if he was serious. The eldest simply shrugged and placed a gentle hand on Felix’s shoulder, nudging the boy forward towards the field a bit. The freckled boy stumbled a bit, tripping over his own feet before looking back at Woojin with a questioning look, eyes wide with shock as the older simply smiled and nodded his head towards the field. “Go ahead, Jisung will teach you.” He encouraged, his smile remaining soft and reassuring as he could feel the nerves roll off the younger in waves, but at the mention of the round cheeked squirrel faced boy, the younger aussie perked up a bit, his eyes sparkling as he slowly and hesitantly nodded and turned on his heels to go out onto the field with the others. HIs eagerness to please evident as his heart pounded in his chest, alive with excitement. 

Woojin sighed softly to himself, watching the freckled blonde bounce with every step. He chuckled and shook his head in amusement. The new addition has really wiggled his way into all of their hearts wasn’t he? Only, Woojin couldn’t bring himself to care too much, only enjoying seeing the smiles on their member’s faces. The family finally felt complete.


	4. White Heather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix tries to learn something new while Chan is an helicopter parent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning: Protection
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> Part 2 of 2
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> Thank you so much for all the kudos! They mean a lot!  
> Also I'd love to get feedback if possible on my work! It would really mean a lot and it would help encourage me to write more I think! All the feedback on this piece has been so amazing so far and I am so grateful! It makes me want to write for forever! So expect more from me in the future maybe? Well I hope so anyway!
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> Enjoy the story!

All the other boys of the strays sat on the porch watching the remaining three in the field shoot. Jeongin and Seungmin sat together on the dirtied love seat, covered in dust and holes from stray animals either chewing or clawing the material. The two were simply whispering between each other like a bunch of giggling school girls as they’d occasionally look up towards the field, pausing their antics just to make sure nobody was coming back towards the house. Hyunjin sat in an old recliner, made from withering leather and old springs. It could no longer recline, the wires and springs having so long ago gotten stuck, so he sat leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees and sharpening a knife for when Chan, Changbin, and Jisung went out again. Hyunjin himself was remarkably good with a knife, but he much liked staying back and protecting the house with Woojin, then joining outings. So he continued to sit and sharpen every knife they owned, knowing it’s the least he could do. 

Hyunjin, Seungmin, and Jeongin all looked up to watch Felix step out onto the porch and flinch as another gunshot rang out. Jeongin stifled a laugh, covering his mouth to mask the noise as Seungmin elbowed him in the side lightly and shot him a weak glare. Hyunjin hummed a greeting to Felix, but didn’t expect one in return as their newest addition immediately wandered over to Woojin, hiding behind his back like a child would their mother as he watched in complete awe and shock as Changbin shot every bottle easily. It was funny to see such a silent and isolated person act almost like an eager and excited child, and maybe he was. Hyunjin didn’t know, but he knew that this was good in many ways. Hyunjin smiled softly to himself and continued to sharpen the large hunter’s knife in his hands.

Jeongin and Seungmin soon returned to their whispering as Woojin began to speak to Felix about learning to shoot. The two boys ignoring the two happily as neither of them really had an interest in shooting, knifes, or going out on outings just yet. They were still young and childish, both prefering to be kids for just a little bit longer in this crazy and deadly world. 

Changbin heard the rustling of the leaves before he saw the blonde coming. He chose to ignore the rustling leaves, assuming that it was just Minho or Jisung moving around or fidgeting as they waited for their turns, but when he turned back around, gun empty of bullets, he was greeted with the sight of Jisung excitedly talking about how to hold a gun properly and a content Felix smiling softly as he listened eagerly to whatever Jisung said. Both Minho and Changbin frowned softly, but kept silent as Jisung excitedly took Felix’s hands and began showing him how he should hold a gun once again when the freckled boy didn’t quite get it at first. 

Changbin sighed in irritation, rolling his eyes ever so slightly and handing the gun over to Minho, who took it, a bit hesitant, but confidently. He quickly took Changbin’s place, about fourteen paces away from the bottles set up on the fence. Minho frowned softly as he eyed the bottles nervously, trying to size them up. He wasn’t too far away nor too close so their size was no problem, but the task was still intimidating regardless. Minho looked down at the gun in his hand, turning it over once or twice, admiring the way the silver metal shimmered in the midday sunlight. He took a deep breath in, then let it out before he raised the gun up, his hand shaking ever so slightly as he closed one eye in order to aim the gun. His tongue poked out from between his lips in concentration as he leveled the gun with one of the bottles and fired. 

The first few shots missed, but gradually got closer with every shot. It really pissed Minho off, if he was honest. His hands soon stopped shaking with fear and anticipation, but now shook with rage. He just wanted to land a goddamn shot. That’s all he wanted in that moment, but the stupid giggles coming from behind him only served to enrage him further. He turned his head around slightly just to look over his shoulder, but in hindsight, that may have been a bad idea. Because he wasn’t expecting to see Jisung with his arm around Felix’s shoulders, both boys laughing at something that Jisung had said. Minho shot the boys a glare and turned his attention back to the bottles, but a sick feeling over took his heart and it felt like venom ran through his veins. His skin felt like it was on fire. He grit his teeth, lifted the gun in one swift motion and fired.

The shattering of glass spooked both Jisung and Felix so much that both of them jumped into the air, Jisung’s arm instantly leaving Felix’s shoulders and was held close against his chest, while Felix jumped back away from the noise. Both boys stared in amazement at Minho, both in awe at the accuracy of the shot, dead center. Changbin simply smirked at the two boys and nodded in approval before looking back towards the house in almost boredom. With that nod, Minho continued to shoot, hitting dead center with every fire until there weren’t anymore bullets nor bottles to shoot. The eldest of the four turned back around and gave a satisfied smirk before handing the gun over to Jisung, who took it excitedly. 

The squirrel like boy smiled at Minho, thanking him as he took the gun. He quickly reloaded it with ammunition as Changbin set up more bottles to shoot, this time some plastic and others glass. Jisung quickly turned around and gave Felix a wide and friendly smile. 

“Just watch me and you’ll pick up on it in no time!” He chirped excitedly, only to have Minho scoff and lightly elbow the boy in the ribs. The eldest turned to Felix, shaking his head before speaking.

“Don’t listen to him. He’s full of shit. If you really want to learn, you just got to pick up the gun and shoot.” He said almost sternly, smiling as the freckled boy eagerly nodded along, eating up every word like he was starved. Minho took this time, while Jisung did some ridiculous stretches to show off, to really get a good look at Felix for the first time. The boy had been with them for a few days now and it was the first time Minho actually bothered to give his full undivided attention to the kid. To Minho, the boy was small. Not short, but small. He had a small waist and cute tiny hands. His nose was small, almost button like and his eyes were big and doe-ish, his irises soft and innocent almost like a child's. Minho frowned to himself, looking back to Jisung as he let his thoughts wander. To Minho, this boy was far too young to be dealing with this world, far too pretty and soft in his opinion. To Minho, Felix was just a pretty boy who couldn’t speak. A boy who probably needed to be protected more than he was of any help. To Minho, He was too soft.

As Jisung took his first few shots, hitting the bottles with the amazing accuracy of a practiced marksman, Felix watched in awe, but he was no fool. He could feel Minho size him up, and he hoped he didn’t come across as useless. He prayed that his new family saw him as just that, family, not just some stranger Chan dragged along with him. He knew he had Chan and Woojin to be grateful for and frankly he was immensely grateful for the two eldest of the group, for all of them, but he wasn’t convinced that he fit in just yet. As he watched Jisung hit bottle after bottle, Felix racked his mind in hopes of finding something that he could possibly do to earn his keep. He hoped if he could become a great marksman like Changbin and Jisung, that he could go out on outings with them and maybe, just maybe, find his sisters as well. Felix glanced back to the house, frowning softly to himself when he noticed that Chan was nowhere to be seen, but received a reassuring smile from Woojin, he felt some confidence spill into his heart. He nodded to himself and looked back to where Jisung had fired the last bullet, shooting down the last bottle as it exploded into many small shards of glass. 

 

 

 

Chan stepped out of the house, onto the porch. He waved to Jeongin and Seungmin, who were still gossiping amongst themselves and gave a curt, but friendly nod to Hyunjin, who was sharpening the last knife with such precision that he didn’t even notice Chan at all, but the aussie didn’t take it to heart, walking over to Woojin with his hands in his jacket pockets. A part of him regrets not waking up with Felix that morning, getting to see his peaceful face in the sunlight, in fact, Chan was convinced that in his own mind that Felix was probably more beautiful than a thousand stars when he had just woken up, but sadly he had other pressing matters to deal with so he had to leave his precious angel sleeping in his bed, while he went up into their attic and began to take inventory of all of their supplies all morning so then he’d know what districts to hit up in their next outings. They were getting low on medical supplies, but as long as no one got hurt any time soon, the rations for the medical supplies could last a few months, but a major wound or two would completely empty it, which scared Chan a bit, but he was confident that he, Changbin, and Jisung could find more soon. Maybe one day, he could sleep in and get so see sleepy Felix, he hoped. 

“How was inventory?” Woojin asked in a soft voice, effectively breaking Chan away from his thoughts and back to reality. The back of his neck and the tips of his ears warmed in embarrassment. The aussie hummed, as if to say he was thinking, but really he just needed a moment to recover. He shrugged, looking Woojin in the eyes as he spoke in an equally soft tone.

“Inventory is fine. We’re a bit low on food and medical supplies so we might have to move districts in our next outing.” Chan looked to Woojin, who was frowning, lost in thought. He always thought too much, worried too much for Chan’s taste. The aussie liked to make people smile, he prefered to see people happy. Maybe that’s why they never seemed to work out, for Woojin worried too much like an overbearing mother and Chan just wanted to make him smile, but never could. Though they could never love each other like lovers do, the two eldest of this group of stray kids still found love for each other, family love, and that’s what helped them to understand each other like no other. 

“Woojin, it’ll be okay. We always pull it off somehow, you know that.” Chan said, hoping to reassure his elder, his best friend. Woojin smiled softly, shaking his head before nodding towards the field. 

“Shouldn’t you be out there with them? Practicing for said outings?” The eldest teased lightly, trying to change the subject to avoid the wrath of a worried Chan. Chan squinted, looking out into the field to see four figures, one with all too familiar blonde hair. Chan frowned to himself and leaned a bit closer to Woojin. 

“Who all is out there with them?” He asked, keeping his voice calm and level despite being nervous. Woojin gave him a funny look and hummed to himself. 

“Minho and Felix-”

“Felix!?”

Chan’s sudden shout startled all four boys on the porch. Woojin was the first to regain his composure and frowned at Chan’s outburst. 

“Yes, Felix. He said he wanted to learn. Or not said, but when I asked him, he looked so eager, how could I have said no?” Woojin defended, giving Chan a weird look, frowning at their leader. “Chan, he has to learn sometime, sooner or later. Plus he wants to learn. I say we let him.” Woojin argued, but Chan ignored him, glaring into the field before storming out into the grass towards the four boys. 

 

 

 

Jisung had just turned around and reloaded the gun, holding it out for an awe-struck Felix to take, when an angry yell startled all four boys, causing Minho to jump slightly and for Jisung to squeak. All four boys turned to see an angry Chan storming over to them. The leader shot Jisung and Changbin a glare before taking the gun roughly out of Jisung’s hand, causing Felix to flinch and take a step back away from the angry man. Chan looked to Felix, his eyes softening for a split second before his gaze grew harsh once again. 

“Felix, what were you thinking!? You could have gotten hurt, all of you!” He shouted, shooting another piercing glare to Jisung, Changbin, and even Minho. Two out of three flinched under the harsh gaze, while Changbin held it, almost challengingly. Chan felt his ears grow hot again as he turned his attention back to Felix, who now had tears welling up in his eyes as he stared up at Chan, searching his face for some sort of sign. Chan’s heart ached at the sight of the tears and he almost reached out to wipe them away, almost gave in and started whispering sweet nothings to the crying boy in front of him, but he remained firm. 

“Felix, go back inside, you should be resting not shooting guns.” He said firmly, but his tone lacked an edge. He didn’t want the freckled blonde in front of him to hate him for this. No, he’d much rather do a thousand outings alone than see the day this beautiful boy turned him away. “ Please, Felix… Go back inside.” He said softer, gently resting his hand on the younger’s shoulder, mostly for his own benefit, but luckily Felix seemed to get the message, pushing past Chan and running back into the house with tears streaming down his face. It was only then did Chan feel like a complete asshole, but he knew that he couldn’t be soft all the time. Not in this world. He turned and gave a pointed look to the other three, taking the gun and pushing it gently against Changbin’s chest for him to take and turned around to follow Felix back into the house.


	5. Baby's Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning: Everlasting love
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> This chapter is meaning to be almost pure fluff and I had so much fun writing this one! I hope you enjoy it too!
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> Also I am suffering from a small amount of writer's block at the moment, so my updates might slow down slightly. I write my chapters in advance. I don't post as I finish a chapter, I find it helps me actually stay on track, but right now I am on Chapter 8 and I'm struggling to crank that one out like I did the others. It's been a week since I started and I've only got like two paragraphs and it's really frustrating. BUT I promise I will finish this story! I will write that chapter, I'm not giving up! This story will finish, but I also started on a new story as a way to crank out my other ideas. I'm just stump on this fic at the moment apparently, but I was wondering, when I finish this fic, should I post my other one? It's less romantic and more Felix oriented. It's a Witch AU, where Felix is a young witch in training in order to control his powerful magic. I don't want to spoil too much, but I will say that Felix, Woojin, and Minho get the spotlight pretty much the whole fic, but obviously the others make appearances and have large roles in the plot. Also the fic, I'd say is well informed of witchcraft as I used to practice as a green witch last year, but I found that it doesn't fit into my schedule anymore so I sadly had to give up my practice, but I still believe in witchcraft though.

It had been a few days since the shooting incident and Chan has yet to apologize for his outburst, at least he hasn’t apologized to Felix yet. Chan just couldn’t do it for some reason. Don’t get him wrong, he tried, tried for days on end, but he just didn’t have enough courage to face the freckled blonde. He was afraid to see betrayal in his soft brown eyes, hurt dancing through his irises as he looked at Chan. 

Their brave leader, afraid to upset a skinny mute kid. It was almost comical, but it was understandable. Chan understood why he couldn’t apologize to Felix and it scared him a bit. It frightened him how much he hated seeing Felix hurt, especially at his own hand. 

But as much as Chan didn’t want to see hurt in Felix’s irises, he was more afraid of seeing anger in the younger, afraid that he had pissed off the blonde or something by being so overprotective. He feared the blonde now hated him or held some sort of grudge against the aussie. 

So naturally, like a coward, Chan avoided any contact or communications with the sweet Lee Felix. He avoided the poor boy like he was an infection. If Felix happened to be in the living room with Jisung and Jeongin, Chan would keep himself on the porch, silently listening to what the others were saying to the freckled blonde and listening to Jisung’s excited laughter and voice. If Woojin was in the kitchen with Felix, making sure the boy ate all of his food, Chan would go into the living room and eat there. 

It was apparent and obvious to the others what was going on, all but Felix could understand why their leader was acting so strange. They all have known him for forever almost, so when the second eldest started acting strange around the precious new addition, they sniffed him out like wild dogs. 

Woojin was the first to say anything, the usually calm and sweet man grew stern and would shoot Chan glares whenever he saw the leader steer away from the younger aussie’s direction. He pulled Chan aside one night, taking him by the hand and leading him out onto the dark porch. The taller of the two frowned at him, leaning his back against one of the pillars that held the wooden awning up, shooting Chan another rare glare in the cover of the night. He reached out and took Chan’s hand, squeezing it gently before letting go. Chan frowned softly, avoiding eye contact with his friend, looking down to the dirty wooden boards. 

“Channie, you can’t keep avoiding him, you know that.” Woojin spoke softly, not wanting to make Chan feel even more guilty than he already did. “You’re only hurting him more by ignoring him-” Chan’s scoff cut him off, causing Woojin to frown and furrow his brows. “Chan. I’m serious. He’s already forgiven you. He’s not mad, but you avoiding him won’t help any. You’ll only put distance between each other and I know you don’t want to do that…” He murmured softly, to which Chan softly smirked, his soft expression hidden in the dark, but Woojin knew. “Chan, I know you think you can hide it, but I can tell.” He lightly bumped his shoulder to Chan’s, giving him a soft smile. “I can see how you look at him. I have eyes.” He teased playfully, earning an eye roll from Chan.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. And speaking hypothetically, even if I did know what you were talking about, there’s no way that anything like that would ever happen.” Chan argued, feeling his cheeks warm, forcing him to look away and out onto the field. Woojin laughed loudly, shaking his head as he stared at Chan’s now red face. The dark still hung heavy, masking each other’s facial expressions, but both knew each other too well to ever hide anything from each other.

“I know you like him and that’s okay. He’s a good kid. He listens well and all he wants to do is help the others out. He looks up to you Chan.” Woojin laughed under his breath, giving Chan a soft pointed look. “He looks at you like you hung the stars themselves Channie. He really cares about you a lot.” Chan’s breath hitched softly, causing the man to quickly clear his throat and look down at the floorboards. “He looks at you like you used to look at me, Channie.” Woojin sighed softly, taking Chan’s hand in his and squeezing it gently. He held it tightly and brought it up to his lips to place a soft kiss on his knuckles. “Look,” He murmured into the skin, “I know things didn’t work out between us, but take it from me Chan, as your best friend… Talk to him. I’m sure he’ll understand.” He spoke softly against his hand, lowing their intertwined hands to his chest, over his heart. “He’s not as soft as he appears, okay? So next outing, take him with you.”

“Woojin-”

“No, Channie. You need to learn that he isn’t a fragile flower that needs to be protected. You have a habit of doing that to your crushes and honestly, it can be a real pain in the ass sometimes.” Both Chan and Woojin laughed softly in the late night air, but Chan’s heart couldn’t keep from pounding.

“Hey, um…” Woojin blinked at Chan, looking at him with concerned eyes. “Can we keep this between us for now? You know, my, um... crush?” The aussie asked nervously, keeping his eyes fixed onto the floor. Woojin smiled softly, nodding and leaning his head on Chan’s shoulder.

“Ya, sure. It can stay between us… for now” He teased, laughing as Chan sputtered and whipped around to face Woojin

“For now!? What do you mean for now? Ya! Get your ass back here!”

 

 

 

 

 

Felix sat up on the rooftop, huddled into a ball, legs pulled up to his chest, as he stared off into the darkness. Unable to bring himself to look up at the moon and stars just yet. The freckled blonde just stared out into the vast empty fields in silence. His thoughts were racing, bouncing between his family, lost and alone, and his new friends, here and safe. He couldn’t help but worry about things, arbitrary things really, things that shouldn’t matter, but for some reason ate up all of his attention like the an infection. Soft brown eyes earnestly stared at a tree in the distance as he hummed softly to himself, only to feel the vibrations, no noise coming from the boy. 

He thought back to when he was a kid, how he used to get bullied for his condition, something he couldn’t help at all. He had been born with damaged vocal cords, never being able to speak or laugh his whole life. He remembered the pushing and teasing, which caused the boy to burrow his face into his knees at the thought. Back then, Felix didn’t have many friends, so he stuck to his family most of the time, but for some reason, things have changed and it left the blonde perplexed. He went from only having his blood family, to having a family of all sorts of different walks of life. He had people he genuinely considered friends and it warmed his heart. He may have only been with the others for over a week or two, but he never felt so at home before with almost strangers. He truly felt like he belonged there, but he still had doubts.

Ever since Chan started avoiding the younger aussie, Felix has felt lost almost. He wasn’t sure how to act anymore, so he followed Woojin and Jisung around like a lost puppy. He’s helped make every meal for everyone with Woojin for the past couple days. He enjoyed cooking and was actually quite good, at least that what Woojin says, but whenever he’d set the table, Chan would walk into the doorway, spot the young aussie and run away. It would instantly deplenish his appetite and cause his heart to ache, but Woojin would never let him leave the kitchen till he ate all of his portion. 

Felix liked Chan, a lot. He looked up to him, heeded his every word, looked at him with stars in his eyes. He admired the older greatly. He was grateful for Chan, immensely so. The blonde was glad he was found in that convenience store, glad to have met 8 great friends. So it broke his heart a little that Chan was ignoring him. The aussie had given him so much in the past two weeks and now that he was avoiding him, he felt like he shouldn’t be staying with them anymore. He believed with all his heart that the man he held on a petistile, didn’t want him there anymore, that he didn’t like Felix anymore, or maybe he never did. How was Felix to know? 

The young aussie was so entranced with his own thoughts that he didn’t notice as another person climbed onto the rooftop and slowly and silently walked over to the freckled blonde. They hesitated before plopping down beside him, startling the poor boy and causing him to quickly turn is head, his neck audibly popping from the force, to see who was there. His eyes widened to the size of moons as he could make out Chan’s features in the moonlight. He quickly turned away, burying his face in his knees. Chan was the very last person he was expecting. Maybe Jisung or Jeongin, but definitely not Chan. The blonde could feel his ears getting hot with embarrassment and it was moments like these that made Felix really wish he could speak.

Chan frowned softly as Felix looked away so quickly. He felt like his face had offended the younger somehow, but quickly squashed any doubts he had. He took a minute to study Felix’s features, his frown turning up into a impossibly soft smile. To Chan, Felix looked like an angel in the moonlight, even if he always thought that about him, something about sitting in the moonlight made Felix look ethereal, absolutely angelic. Chan just sat there for a few moments, staring at the freckled blonde, a little disappointed that he was hiding his face. Chan wanted to see his freckles in the starlight, but he knew that he had something he needed to do before he’d let himself carry on just staring.

“Felix?” Chan asked softly, leaning a bit closer to the younger aussie, keeping his voice low and quiet as to not disturb the silence. The blonde peaked his eyes out from behind his knees and looked over to Chan curiously. He didn’t move though, much to Chan’s disappointment, still hiding his face. The eldest of the two choose to let the silence hang between them for a few awkward seconds before opening his mouth to speak again.

“Felix, I’m… I’m sorry for how I’ve been treating you lately…” He murmured, looking out into the fields. He could feel Felix’s eyes bore into him. He could almost feel the curiosity and confusion pour from the blonde’s pores. “...Nobody deserves that. You don’t deserve that.” He spoke earnestly, glancing back to the freckled boy, who’s perked up at his words, no longer hiding his face and resting his chin on his knees. Chan’s breath hitched slightly, which he quickly coughed to cover up, but the sight of Felix’s face in the soft moonlight was breathtaking. He began to stare once again, before shaking his head lightly and tilted his head back to look up at the stars.

“I shouldn’t have avoided you. I just felt like such an ass for yelling at you the other day and I- Ow!” He whined playfully as Felix slapped his arm when he realized Chan had called himself an ‘ass’. “Okay, okay, but I felt really bad for yelling. I know how excited you were to learn how to shoot and I took that away from you…” He let his words trail away, glancing back to Felix who gave him a soft nod to continue.

“I, um… I’m not the best with words, but I was just really worried you’d hurt yourself, you now? And…” He broke off for a second, starring long and hard at Felix before beginning to speak again, but he kept his gaze fixed on the blonde as he spoke. “...And I just really care about you. You mean a lot to me, to all of us.” Chan managed to get his words out without stuttering, but suddenly the space between the two was too large. It felt like miles were between them and Chan hated it. With his gaze locked with Felix’s own soft and sweet one, Chan leaned forward until only centimeters separated the two. Their thighs touched, pressed together as their breath mingled and became one. Chan wasn’t sure where this confidence came from, but the two of them sat like that for a while, staring into each other’s eyes, searching each other’s gaze for some sort of answer. Chan’s gaze flickered down to Felix’s lips hesitantly as he licked his own, He looked back up at Felix, whose face was red, but he didn’t move away. Neither boys moved, either forward or back. They just stayed there, sharing air in the moonlight, centimeters away from kissing, but instead Felix finally broke. He turned his face away and buried it in Chan’s shoulder, who started laughing wholeheartedly at the cute boy beside him. He wrapped his arms around Felix and held him close, pressing a soft kiss to his head.

“Promise me, you’ll stay?” Chan asked hesitantly, softly. He leaned his head on Felix’s and gently rocked the two of them as he patiently waited for some sort of answer.

Felix felt his face heat up even more, so he buried his face even further into the crook of Chan’s neck and nodded slightly. He slowly wrapped his arms around Chan’s shoulders, feeling at home in the older’s arms. He felt safe and warm. 

The two of them never separated, continuing to hold each other dearly. At some point, Chan had laid them down gently onto the rooftop and Felix had moved his head to rest on the older’s chest comfortably so the two of them could watch the stars. Both boys would occasionally reach an arm out and point to various different constellations or make up their own. With every constellation Felix pointed out, Chan would laugh and give it a story and a name, always asking the freckled blonde if he approved once he was done and Felix being Felix would laugh silently, shoulders shaking, head nodding eagerly with every story. 

They stayed up for hours, Felix playing with Chan’s fingers, intertwining their fingers every now and then while Chan whispered sweet words into the crown of the blonde’s head. They stayed like that as the sun rose and the moon dulled. The faint morning light looked beautiful, the sky faded into beautiful pinks, yellows, oranges, and purples. Felix watched the sun rise happily, a soft smile plastered on his face as Chan watched him, admiring his pretty features. 

Chan would have denied it all he wanted yesterday, but in that early morning, watching such a pretty boy watch the sun rise. It felt like a blessing. Chan was immensely grateful for that night and he would say with no shame that he, Bang Chan, was utterly and beautifully smitten with the one and only Lee Felix. Hell, if that beautiful boy asked him to, he’d scream it from the rooftops. He decided then and there that he’d do anything the freckled boy asked. He was wrapped around his pretty finger and Chan wouldn’t have it any other way.


	6. Dead Leaves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **WARNING: MINOR CHARCTER DEATH AND MILDLY GRAPHIC DEPITCTION OF VIOLENCE**  
> **WARNING: MINOR CHARCTER DEATH AND MILDLY GRAPHIC DEPITCTION OF VIOLENCE**  
> **WARNING: MINOR CHARCTER DEATH AND MILDLY GRAPHIC DEPITCTION OF VIOLENCE**  
> **WARNING: MINOR CHARCTER DEATH AND MILDLY GRAPHIC DEPITCTION OF VIOLENCE**  
> **WARNING: MINOR CHARCTER DEATH AND MILDLY GRAPHIC DEPITCTION OF VIOLENCE**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning: Sadness
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Yes, the long awaited (not really) chapter six is finally out! 
> 
> Please pay attention to the warnings! This is a very sensitive chapter full of sensitive content!
> 
> Also special thanks to my new beta @GonerLoner here on archive and to my cat Bean! You guys have been a huge help in my writing process and I really appreciate it!
> 
> Ahh slowly but surely, Baby's Breath is coming to an end. I'm already almost done writing part nine and all my previous chapters from six to eight have been edited by my beta (Thank you again!), but don't fret! I have a story almost completely planned out and ready to start writing soon! It's about witches and it is still Stray Kids so you might enjoy it! It's called Greenery so keep an eye out for it! I love you guys! <3

A week had passed since the night on the roof. Three weeks since Felix joined the group, and a whole whopping ten minutes since Chan has called Felix a cute pet name or held his smaller hands in his own. 

Today Chan, Changbin, and Jisung were going to go out on their weekly outing and Felix was going to tag along. The idea of Felix coming with them did not sit well with Chan, he wasn’t sure why. Maybe he was just being overprotective again, but something in his chest told him that this was a bad idea. 

Chan wanted to say no, wanted to ask Felix to stay back, back at the house where he was safe - so he at least would have some peace of mind. But Woojin was persistent and had told Felix that he’d be going with them on the next outing to help out before Chan could even tell him to stay home. After he saw the blonde’s excited smile at the thought of going out, at the thought of helping the others, he couldn’t really decline anymore. Chan was too weak for that smile so he agreed reluctantly. 

It felt like a storm was brewing in the distance.

The sky was a soft shade of gray, thick clouds covered the blues and yellows of a sunny day. All nine boys stood on the porch outside of the house, wishing the four of them a farewell and safe journey. Woojin and Hyunjin packed their bags with various and much needed supplies. The knives went with Jisung, while Changbin and Chan carried a pistol each. 

Chan recognized his own as the gun Felix almost held a week ago and began to feel sick to his stomach again, his chest aching as he put the gun in its holster. Felix was given nothing to protect himself with, since they didn’t know his experience with weapons other than he had never shot a gun before, but he was given the medical supplies to carry just in case something went wrong. 

With a round of hugs, Woojin squeezing the life out of Felix and Changbin while Minho was giving Jisung the ‘Come back safe or I’ll come get you’ talk, the four boys set out towards the distance, following an old paper map Chan carried. The map was ripped at the edges, withered, but still useful. Normally, there would be no need for a map, but the district they had been raiding for the past few months was deplenishing in resources far more rapidly than any of them would have liked. 

They were heading to a place Chan would never in his life wish to take anyone to, let alone Felix. The district was overrun with infected, dozens of them hiding in the shadow of each collapsed building - but because of the danger, it was virtually untouched. 

There was a hospital nearby. Chan was hoping for it to still be intact...and hopefully, there were many convenience stores to raid food from. 

They walked in silence for the most part, well almost silence. Jisung was talking animatedly at Changbin, who would occasionally grunt in agreement or growl in disapproval. The two walked side by side, taking up the rear while Chan and Felix took the lead. 

They didn’t communicate much, other than the occasional concerned look from Chan and an excited, but reassuring smile from Felix. One that reached his eyes and caused them to become glittering, crescent moons, the corners of his eyes crinkling with every smile. His smiles did much to reassure Chan, giving him a slight sense of comfort. Everytime Felix would shoot him a smile, the oldest of the four would reach out and touch the younger in some sort of way, whether it be a hand resting on his shoulder, brushing the back of his hand against his arm, or simply intertwining their pinkies for a few moments. They were soft touches, sweet moments to strengthen their recently formed bond.

The other two would occasionally give a fake gag or laugh at the two boys, both knowing Chan was too much of a coward to seal the deal just yet, but couldn’t resist being affectionate with Felix anyway. The three of them shared laughs and talks while Felix watched them with a smile and occasionally joined with a silent giggle. They walked through the many vast fields for miles as the new district was quite far away from their home. 

All of them had hopes for this trip, simple hopes. Jisung wanted to be successful, he wanted to find everything they needed. Changbin hoped that he could practice his shooting while they were out. Chan wanted them all to make it back safely and Felix… Felix just hoped he had a chance to find his sisters in the city. 

They arrived at around midday, to a burned and destroyed city that had completely crumbled. 

Small fires still raged from buildings and various pieces of large debris. Skyscrapers, apartment buildings and houses collapsed like discarded toys, blocking roads from any access other than by foot. Cars lay aflame and scattered on the streets, some even buried in the bases of buildings, crashed into the structure and left to burn. Thick smoke was billowing through the air.

Traffic signs and bus stops lay crumbled and broken on the ground. Somewhere in the distance, there was the faint blare of a car alarm that hadn’t lost its power yet. It was desolate and dirty, completely unsafe and utter destruction, but neither of them could think about that for long because the debris and destruction was the least of their worries. 

A building couldn’t come running out of the shadows and attack them like an infected could. 

A car wouldn’t suddenly pounce and claw away their flesh like a maddened dog. 

A stop sign wouldn’t bite them like some sort of rabid beast. 

Only the infected could do that and this district was littered with them. 

They flocked to the cities like moths to a flame, using the shadows and various hiding spaces to mask their presence, only coming out to feed when necessary. Most infected still looked human in some sort of way, still retained some sort of human like characteristics. 

But in the cities, the infection had taken its course smoothly and far faster than out in the rural areas, leaving a plant like fungus on the skin and dark black veins popping out from beneath the skin. While the virus itself fed off sunlight, the body it hosted needed to be sustained with some sort of fuel to keep existing and the virus seemed to have decided human flesh was the best food to feed its shell. 

The four boys knew the moment they entered the district that there would definitely be risks. Someone could get hurt. Or even worse, but Chan chose not to focus on that. He turned to Changbin, giving him a curt nod as they stopped next to the burnt out shell of a car. Jisung hummed in agreement as the three of them set their bags down and formed a circle to talk strategy, as it was far too dangerous to keep going without a plan. 

Felix kept his own bag on, tightening the straps a bit to secure it before he weaseled his way into the circle between Jisung and Changbin. 

Jisung gave him a soft smile, wrapping his arm around the younger’s shoulders and pulling him close before turning his attention to Chan. The two youngest of the four were all smiles and sunshine, while the oldest two remained serious and stern. 

“Changbin, you and Jisung go find the hospital and get as much medical supplies as you can. Just the basics for now - meaning bandages, disinfectant, antibiotics, the usual. Got it?” Chan spoke sternly and with control. This wasn’t just Chan anymore, this was Bang Chan, their leader, a man who looked out for those around him before himself. 

Changbin nodded and grabbed Jisung by the collar of his shirt and pulled him away from Felix. 

“Let’s go, smiley. We have to cross town to get to the hospital,” Changbin chided, earning a disapproving wail from Jisung, who complained at the childlike treatment before catching himself. The two began to run, disappearing down the street into the maze of debris and buildings. 

Chan watched them go, his brows furrowed in concern, the tips of his soft brown curls falling into his eyes just a bit. He pushed them back with his hand and quickly turned back to face Felix, who was still staring at where the other two had disappeared with a worried pout. Chan smiled softly, his whole demeanor changing as he silently took Felix’s hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

“We’re going to get food from the stores. You think you’ll be able to handle it?,” he asked gently, his gaze soft and full of concern as he searched Felix’s features for an answer. 

He simply pointed to where the others disappeared, causing Chan to look back over his shoulder and sigh softly when he saw nothing. He paused for a second before turning back to Felix with a small smile. “They’ll be okay. They do this all the time. They know how to not get caught.” 

Felix paused for a few moments, nodding slowly as if to convince himself of Chan’s words before hesitantly pointing to himself and Chan with a concerned look. 

Chan smiled and nodded. “Yes, We’ll be okay too.” And with that, he lead Felix by the hand through the debris and down the cluttered and destroyed streets.

 

 

 

 

Once the two boys had filled their bags full of food, Felix had decided he wanted to explore every inch of this god forsaken, destroyed district. He was looking around with a curious glint in his eyes, a playful smile plastered to his face as he bounced from store to store. He paused at an abandoned Daiso store, peeking his head around the corner curiously like a child. When he saw that the coast was clear, he quickly skipped into the store, playing around with all the small toys, gadgets, and trinkets. 

Chan was following at just a few paces behind.

He was far more cautious than Felix - because while the younger’s excitement sure was endearing and cute, his lack of caution in such a dangerous place put the older on edge. He kept looking over his shoulder as he walked down the aisles towards Felix, who had just put on little wire cat ears and turned to Chan with a big bright smile. Chan’s heart fluttered at the sight and he couldn’t help but let his guard down a bit to coo at Felix, holding his face in his hands and squishing his cheeks slightly just to see him pout at his antics.

The two soon grew distracted by the items in the store - Chan being distracted by an adorable boy and Felix being distracted by all the items in the store. Chan watched as Felix picked up a small fluffy fox keychain and put it in his bag causing him to smile because he knew just who that was for. 

They walked in silence up and down various different aisles for a few more minutes - when suddenly, a scream rippled through the air, piercing in their ears.

Chan’s head snapped up.

Felix flinched so hard he dropped the little snow globe he was holding. 

Neither of them heard the sound of the shattering glass.

Chan tensed up, grabbing Felix’s arm in a tight grip and pushing him behind his back, staring towards the entrance. There was danger outside and hell knows how many of them would be waiting for them if they left this shop now.

Felix quickly let the cat ears drop to the floor, his eyes wide with shock and fear as he stood behind Chan. 

He grabbed his jacket to hide his suddenly shaking hands.

Seconds passed in almost eerie silence.

“Help me!”

A woman, it seemed.

Another shrill scream cut through the silence, louder this time, filled with agony and desperation. “Please! Anybody…!”

Chan could feel Felix tense up behind him. A quick glance showed his shocked face, the sudden terror in his eyes and Chan’s blood froze.

“Felix…?”, he whispered.

But Felix didn’t listen to him. He suddenly pushed past Chan with enough force to make him stumble, nimbly ditching his tries to catch his jacket again. 

He watched in horror as he ran down the aisles, towards the entrance. 

Why was he so fast?

Chan’s heart pounded in his chest as he instantly took off after him. He couldn’t let him get hurt, no, no, no...

“Felix stop!” He yelled, panic sneaking into his voice, ice in his veins as he scrambled to catch up, but Felix was already out the door, too far away to listen to him. 

“Felix!” He screamed once again, but to no avail. 

 

Felix skidded slightly on the gravelly pavement, his heart pounding in his chest as he chased after the distant screams. Something was so sickeningly familiar about that voice.

The smoke made his lungs ache, made him itching to cough his lungs out, but he didn’t stop. Couldn’t stop. He had to move on.

Briefly, a pang of guilt for running away from Chan started to nibble at his stomach, but he pushed it away as hard as he could. Chan was not his priority right now.

The screams were closer now, combined with disgusting sounds of tearing flesh and the stench of blood and intestines.

He scrambled up a pile of rubble and debris blocking the street, scraping the soft flesh of his hands and knees as he climbed up, up, up. 

Once he reached the top, he froze. 

Down on the street, he saw a woman, an impossibly young woman who was desperately trying to fight off two infected hosts, swinging a bloodied baseball bat in her right hand. The left arm was limply hanging at her side. Blood was coating the left side of her torso, she was limping.

Before Felix could do something, could react in any kind of way, the first one suddenly jumped with a gurgling scream, sinking his rotten teeth into her shoulder.

At the same time, the second attacked, tearing away more flesh from the already gaping wound at her side. Blood splattered on the street.

Her scream finally broke Felix from his stupor.

_No. No, no, no, please not, this couldn’t be…_

The woman was just who he thought it was, who he hoped it wasn’t. 

His little sister Olivia... falling to the ground with two infected hosts attached to her.

Felix started to skid down the pile of debris, scraping his hands and arms every time he fell, but he didn’t care. Not stopping on his way, he picked up one of the debris pieces and threw it as hard as he could, hitting one of them in the back.

He couldn’t let her die, no-

It seemed to at least have startled the one he hit as it’s head snapped up, yellowish eyes, surrounded by black veins suddenly staring at him.

He opened his mouth to scream, but there was no sound.

The infected rose from Olivia’s body, steps sluggish as it started to make its way over to Felix, he wasn’t too fast, but Felix was frozen again, would he now be dying alongside his sister-

Only to be stopped by the sound of a gun, two holes decorating its head and chest as it crumbled to the ground, black blood slowly oozing from the wounds.

Another silent scream left his lips as a pair of strong arms suddenly wrapped around his middle and pulled him close to their chest. 

Fear, terror, horror clouded his mind as he started to shake, to fight. He tried to scream again, but nothing. A sob fought its way out of him as he clawed at the arms that held him still. 

_Let me go, let me go, letmego_

“Felix!” 

Chan. It was Chan.

Chan, Chan, Chan...

 

The woman was still weakly fighting against the second infected. At the mere mention of the name, she looked up, wide eyes locking with Chan’s before she finally crumbled with a shrill scream of agony.

Tearing flesh and the smell of blood made Chan gag briefly.

Felix froze, still like a statue suddenly.

Chan had heard of Felix’s sisters through notes the two passed between each other and now he understood why Felix ran away. 

This woman was one of his sisters and she was dying right before his eyes. 

Chan quickly turned them to the side so that Felix couldn’t see the sight anymore and lifted his pistol once more. He grit his teeth, took his aim and shot, head and chest like the first one. 

It slumped limply to the ground, giving off a last gurgling screech. 

Silence rung heavy for a few seconds, filled with labored breathing and silent sobs.

The danger now was eliminated, but the damage had already been done.

 

Felix quickly recovered from his shock of the gun shots, forcing his way out from Chan’s grasp. He ran as fast as his legs would carry him over to his sister’s side, tears streaming down his face as he dropped to his knees heavily, carefully taking her blood-splattered head into his lap.

He looked down at Olivia’s face, tears dropping down without him realizing.

His sister smiled up at him weakly, reaching a bloodied hand out and touching his cheek gently, so gently, avoiding to touch his lips.

God, how he had missed her...and now he found her...just to lose her again so soon. 

Olivia laughed softly, before grimacing in pain, dropping her hand to her belly to apply pressure to the deep wounds. Or to hide the amount of blood that was staining her clothes. Her gaze searched Felix’s features, staring long and hard at her older brother.

“Hey, Lixie…”, she murmured weakly, giving Felix another smile, who just sobbed even harder.

“Don’t cry Lix, it’s okay.” Her voice was weak but soft as she took Felix’s free hand into her own two and squeezed it gently. Why was she soothing him…? 

A weak cough fell from her lips before she could continue speaking. 

“You’re safe. That’s what matters.” She murmured, her eyelids fluttering slightly as she looked up to her brother. 

Felix swallowed, keeping still for a few seconds before he pulled his hand away and began to make various different gestures - signs. He signed a few phrases, causing his sister to laugh weakly at him. “Lixie, no. You can’t,” she said sternly, ignoring her brother’s weak glare and looking past him at Chan. 

Felix followed her gaze, biting his lip to stop himself from crying again. His chest was burning.

Olivia swallowed thickly and looked back to her brother with a smile. He had no idea how she could still smile. 

“Why do you always get the good looking ones?,” she joked weakly, but quickly began to cough up blood again, the red liquid running down her chin and on Felix’ jeans as she leaned her head against his stomach, wheezing in exhaustion.

She looked back to Chan, her expression as serious as she could manage, even though her gaze was unsteady.

“You’re gonna take care of my brother right?....Promise me you will. Promise me that you...you’ll keep him safe.” She carefully took Felix’s hands in her own and squeezed them again, her grip getting weaker with every passing second.

He was losing her. 

But he couldn’t stop staring at her face, trying to burn every trace of her familiar expression into his mind while she seemed to stare Chan down, a surprising fire keeping the fading light in her dark eyes.

Chan eventually nodded after a few seconds.

“I promise.” 

Felix just stared at him with wide eyes as Olivia smiled and nodded.

“Good man,” she murmured weakly.

Her eyes shut with a sigh as her hand went limp in Felix grasp.

Felix kept staring at Chan until he couldn’t hear his little sister’s breathing anymore, whipping his head around to stare down at her limp, bloodied body, so silent and unresponsive where she laid on his legs. He touched her face, his hands trembling like a leaf in the smoke-filled air, a sob ripping through him as he realized that she was gone.

There was no air, his throat too tight and his chest hurt. The world was closing in on him, restricting him, caging him.

She was gone.

He tilted his head back and let out a silent scream, his shoulders shaking as he closed his eyes and sobbed, screamed and cursed at the sky.

And even if there was no sound to be heard, Chan’s heart still broke at the sight.

 

Hours later, Changbin and Jisung sat at the car where they had stopped to form their plan. Bags full of medical supplies, Changbin was leaning against the abandoned car, watching Jisung who played with a knife while sitting on the street next to their backpacks.

Both boys turned when they heard slow and steady footsteps approaching them, only to see Chan carrying a bloodied Felix in his arms, his arms wrapped around his neck and his legs around his waist. Chan held up the unconscious boy by his thighs, his chin resting on Felix’s shoulder as he carried both their backpacks over to the other two and dropped them on the ground in front of them without saying a word. 

Changbin took a bag and slung it over his shoulder, Jisung following his example. The two others looked at each other before Changbin took a step towards Chan.

“Ya… What happened?,” he asked, his brows furrowing and his eyes flitting between Chan and Felix’ faces.

“Is he okay?” Voice colored dark with worry, Jisung bit his lip, his eyes resting on Felix’ bloodstained jeans.

Chan simply closed his eyes and shook his head. His pained expression made the two boys exchange a look of unease.

He didn’t really want to tell them.

“It’s not for me to tell.” His grip on Felix tightened a bit before they all began to walk back to the house. 

The sun was setting behind them, basking the destroyed city in a natural, warm glow. The storm went over their heads.

For now.

Who knew if they would be prepared when it was about to strike again.


	7. Daffodil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The strays deal with a grieving Felix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning: Regards
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Hello babes! My precious beans!  
> Here is chapter seven, four days after chapter six. Like I usually post for some reason? Im not sure why I do, but I do. So anywho, I hope you enjoy! Im sorry I made some of you cry last chapter, but I promise it gets better before it gets worse! 
> 
> Also thank you agin to @GonerLoner for being my beta and helping me out so much! You're an amazing friend and i love you! Also you guys should go read her story, "Let's dance the night away"! It's only has one chapter so far, but it's good! I swear!
> 
> Enjoy the chapter!

Seventy-two hours had passed since Olivia’s death. 

Felix was locked away in the master bedroom, crying himself to sleep, and as soon as he woke up, he couldn’t help but crying again as he remembered.

He still couldn’t believe she was gone.

Deep, dark bags started to appear under his eyes. Once soft with emotions and sparkling with the stars of an entire galaxy, they now had lost their shine, dull with grief and exhaustion.

He didn’t leave his bed, staying curled up in a ball in the center of the too big mattress, cocooned in all the blankets and sheets in his reach. 

Tucking his legs against his chest, he hugged his own shaking body as sobs once again racked their way through him. 

He stared blankly at the wall because everytime he closed his eyes, all he saw was his sister’s face covered with scratches and blood, her lips curled around a piercing scream of agony, shattering his heart all over again. Nightmares haunted his sleep, making him relive the moment the two infected hosts attacked her at the same time - and he was too late again. Always too late.

He felt hopeless. Completely numb to the world.

So little mattered to the broken boy anymore...

 

 

Out of all eight boys, Chan took the brunt of Felix’s grief. 

He felt the most responsible for his sadness since he witnessed her death too, so he tried his best to comfort Felix, even if he didn’t quite know how.

Chan was so desperate just to be near Felix that he would go into the room and sit down on the edge of the bed and just talk. Talk about whatever came to his mind at that moment like what he did that day or he would tell silly stories from when he was a kid. 

Sometimes he would even get Felix to laugh a little, making him feel like he was floating on cloud nine. 

He loved Felix’ laugh, even if it was silent. 

He loved seeing Felix smile and he knew he would do anything to see that smile on his face again. So he kept up with the stories for hours. But one day, he was running out of happy stories to tell.

This morning, Chan quietly entered the room with a plate of food in his hands, slowly setting it on the night table next to the bed. The plate was sparsely filled with raw vegetables that would be easy on his stomach, in case he would try to eat after spending days without food. A glass of water sat with the plate, glittering in the few rays of sun that would reach inside through the closed blinds.

Felix’s gaze remained fixed on the wall, his back turned to Chan, who gently sat down on the edge of the bed and reached out to squeeze the younger’s shoulder gently. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to the side of Felix’s head. A small tear rolled down the blonde’s face as he closed his eyes gently at the contact. 

It tore at Chan’s heart...seeing Felix, their sunshine, so broken and grief-stricken.

Just as he was about to pull away and begin his made up story, Felix turned on his back slowly, tilting his head slightly to look up at the older aussie with glassy eyes.

This was the first time he acknowledged anyone since Chan brought him home that horrid day. 

Chan’s breath hitched softly as he looked down at Felix. He felt his own eyes sting and his throat tighten as he studied his features. 

Heavy eyebags darkened the skin under his eyes, his cheekbones slim and more prominent than Chan remembered them. Must have been because he had refrained from eating for so long.

Chan blinked back tears and reached out to caress Felix’s cheek gently, his chest aching. 

Felix flinched back a bit and Chan did too, looking at him with wide eyes and pulling his hand back like it was on fire. 

Was it a bad idea, just wanting to touch him?

Apparently.

But Felix seemed to sense his thoughts, sneaking his small hand out from under the blanket cocoon, grabbing Chan’s larger hand and placing it back on his cheek once again, leaning into the touch while a silent sigh slowly relaxed his body once again.

Felix was in a stage of grief where he didn’t want to be alone anymore

Progress for Chan. 

He leaned forward and gently rested his forehead to the younger’s, both of them closing their eyes as they just breathed in each other’s air. Seeking comfort in each other. 

Chan stopped sleeping in the living room that night.

 

 

Despite the progress of slowly letting Chan back into his heart, Felix refused to eat, only gulping down water like he was a fish on dry land. 

His lack of appetite scared Chan deeply, making him worry for Felix’ health. At least he was still drinking water... 

Six days now had passed since Olivia’s death and Felix still hadn’t left his bed and hadn’t touched a single meal. He simply clung to Chan like a little koala the whole day, crying himself to sleep when he thought Chan wasn’t awake anymore.

Felix, normally quite independent and able to survive on his own, had quickly become so attached to Chan that he couldn’t seem to function on his own anymore.

Like a clockwork went through the hours of the day, Felix went through a cycle of sleeping, cuddling against Chan and crying. That’s all he did and Chan couldn’t help but feel his heart ache for him. He did what he could to make Felix as comfortable as possible, but he knew he alone couldn’t help him out of his grief.

Woojin was the second person Felix ever acknowledged since that fateful day. 

He gave the eldest a weak smile when he entered the room with two glasses of water. Woojin gave a big toothy smile in return and sat on the edge of the bed, watching as Chan helped the freckled boy sit up and reach out for the glass. Woojin handed it over gently, making sure Felix wouldn’t drop it as he watched him bring the glass up to his lips with slightly shaky hands and gulp down its contents without even pausing to breathe. 

His gaze shifted from Felix to Chan, who kept his eyes on Felix the whole time, his hand securely resting in the small of his back. 

Woojin smiled softly and shook his head lightly. He gave Felix a gentle look, concern softening the seriousness in his gaze.

“Hey, Lix.” He started is a soft voice, frowning when he saw Felix flinch and look down, blinking back tears. “Uhm... do you mind if I speak to Chan for a little bit? Maybe you could sleep some more, ya?”, he asked tentatively, giving Chan a soft knowing expression. Chan gave the blonde a worried look, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his temple gently.

“If you don’t want me to leave, I’ll stay”, Chan murmured into Felix’s hair, biting his lip as he listened to the younger’s labored breaths. He pulled him into a gentle hug, rubbing his back reassuringly, waiting for him to calm down a bit.

Felix took a deep breath, looking Woojin in the eyes for a few moments before giving a small nod. 

With a bright smile, Woojin returned the nod. 

“Thank you.” He gently reached out and brushed the boy’s light locks out of his face. “I promise it won’t take long.” 

The two eldest slowly stood up, Woojin leaving the room first with Chan following him with a bit more reluctance. 

He looked back to stare at Felix who was now curled up in his blanket cocoon once again, his eyes closed as his breath evened out and he fell into a dreamless slumber in just a matter of seconds. 

Chan smiled softly down at the boy, his expression almost disgustingly fond as he stepped out of the room.

 

 

Woojin shut the door softly before turning to Chan with a serious expression and crossing his arms. A frown pulled his forehead into creases.

“Chan, it’s been six days. You’re gonna have to stop babying him eventually.” He stopped. “This can’t go on like this.”

Chan sighed, his mood already dropping. Why did Woojin want to talk about this just now?

He looked away briefly before meeting Woojin’s gaze with a huff.

“Woojin. He lost his little sister. A part of his family. Who he had been searching for since...since he was left alone. Show some damn sympathy. He’s allowed to grief at his own pace.” The low, dangerous growl of his voice seemed to surprise both of them, but Chan didn’t care much.

Woojin sighed, pinching his nose. “I’m not saying that he’s not allowed to do that. I just...We all have been showing him sympathy. We all gave him all the space we thought he would need, but if you keep letting him hide away in that room, he will never get better. He needs to get out and see the sun. He needs to actually do something. We can all help him - you’re not the only one” he hissed, the angry tone in his voice contrasting with the almost desperate words.

Silence in the hallway as the two men glared at each other.

“You’re not the only one that cares about him, Chan. And you’re not responsible for him. Stop hovering over him like a damn helicopter!”

Chan blinked, surprised for a moment. There were very few occasions he could remember where Woojin had snapped at him like that, and a part of his brain told him that this was a sign that he was in the wrong. But he didn’t want to admit it, rather chose to ignore it. 

Gritting his teeth, he narrowed his eyes. “Stop it. I won’t say anything to pressure him. If he wants to come out or see you all, it’s on his terms only.” 

His voice was stern and final, his gaze dark as he stared Woojin down, his overprotectiveness keeping him from seeing eye to eye with his best friend. 

Woojin stared at him for a few seconds, then simply sighed through his nose, shaking his head in disappointment before pushing past Chan and walking into the living room, stopping in surprise when he saw the very worried rest of their group sprawled out around the big old sofa. It seemed like they had fun...before they overheard Chan’s and his conversation - they looked like their parents just announced a divorce. 

Woojin almost wanted to laugh at the thought, but that quickly vanished as he realized in what state the boys were in.

Jeongin looked close to tears as Seungmin held him close. Hyunjin had his face hidden against Minho’s side who simultaneously had his arm around Jisung, rubbing his shoulders in gentle circles. 

And he realized...they never heard Chan and him fighting. Which, granted, didn’t happen often, but they still made sure none of the kids heard them when emotions got the best of them.

Which was why this must have been quite hard on some of them, if not all.

Woojin looked away with a frown as he plopped down onto the recliner and leaned back into the seat with a sigh, gently rocking the chair as he looked around at everyone’s faces and shook his head slowly.

“I’m sorry...I’m assuming you all heard us talking”, Woojin said, closing his eyes. 

All six boys nodded in unison, Changbin glancing towards the now closed master bedroom door and biting his lip a bit. 

“Then you know that he doesn’t think our Lixie is ready to see us just yet. He still needs some space…” Woojin trailed off as Jisung began to sniffle, blinking rapidly as he tried to hold his tears back. Jeongin watched Jisung with eyes wide with shock and pressed closer into Seungmin’s side, closing his eyes to fight back his own tears. 

Woojin was mortified, so unsure of what to do for the first time in so long. All he could do was watch as the six boys all comforted each other in their time of need. Changbin and Minho tended to a sobbing Jisung, who was wailing about missing his best friend, while Seungmin rubbed Jeongin’s back as the youngest simply continued to blink his tears away, occasionally reaching up to wipe a stray tear away with the back of his hands. 

Hyunjin moved from Minho’s side to sit beside Woojin, squeezing his shoulder reassuringly before leaning his head onto the same shoulder and wrapping his arms around him in a reassuring hug, even though he himself looked like he could cry at any moment again.

None of them expected the absence of Felix to affect them this much, but the young boy meant far more to these stray kids than he could ever know. He didn’t get to see all the tears he caused, all the longing for his presence.

He was too caught up in his own grief to think about anyone else just yet.

 

The next day, Felix awoke to a knock at the door. 

The knock was light, just a tap so he at first ignored it in favor of closing his eyes once again and curling up against Chan’s side. 

Another light knock caused him to blink open his sleepy eyes. He slowly crawled out of bed, tossing the blankets onto Chan and sleepily waddled to the door, rubbing his tired eyes as he opened the door. 

He had expected Woojin again, but blinked in surprise to find Changbin standing by the door. His hands were stuffed into his jacket pockets and he kept rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet, almost like he was uncomfortable. 

Looking up as Felix opened the door half way, his eyes widened a bit as if he hadn’t expected him to actually answer. 

“Holy fuck, you look like shit”, Changbin blurted out before he could catch himself, causing Felix to pout and give the older a bewildered look. 

He was honestly a bit surprised at himself that he was able to feel another emotion than sadness and grief again.

Changbin quickly sputtered, apologizing with a wide-eyed gaze before collecting himself again and straightening his back with new found confidence. He stared at the now smiling Felix for a second, then closed his eyes and sighed through his nose. 

“I came to get Chan so we can go on another outing”, he stated simply, opening his eyes again to see a deflated Felix, looking at him with the saddest pout he had ever seen. 

Was this kid seriously sad that Changbin wasn’t there to see him? 

He didn’t know, but he couldn’t resist the guilt that built up in his stomach. 

He sighed. “Okay...I guess since you’re up and not him, just come for a walk with me”, he said in a monotone voice as if he couldn’t really care less, but he didn’t miss how Felix seemed to perk up at the idea. He looked back to Chan for a few seconds, hesitating before turning back to Changbin and holding up five fingers to indicate how much time he needed. 

Changbin simply nodded and watched as the younger slowly and softly shut the door.

Five minutes passed to the dot and Felix had changed his clothes.

He followed Changbin out onto the porch where Woojin and Hyunjin sat on the loveseat, watching the sunrise together. 

Both men smiled at him, their eyes sparkling at the mere sight of Felix being alive, even though he looked sickly pale and had dark, puffy bags under his eyes. 

Felix gave the two a small wave and continued to follow Changbin into the field as the two began their walk, keeping a nice comfortable silence. 

This was going a lot better than Changbin had expected.

Though Felix’ heart was broken from the loss of his sister the week prior, he could feel the love radiating from all the boys around him, even when he was only with one of them. He could tell that they all cared for him and for the first time in a long time, Felix wanted to get better.


	8. Pink Camellia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan misses Felix. A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning: Longing
> 
>  
> 
> AHhhhhhhhhh I'm posting a day late! Sorry!
> 
> Also sorry this chapter is on the shorter side, it's more of a filler/set up for chapter nine. (No spoilers though uwu.)
> 
> Anyway, thank you @GonerLoner for being my beta and editing this for me! Its much appreciated!
> 
> I hope you all are having a lovely day! <3

The morning started out odd for Chan, started with him waking up to an empty bed for the second time in a week.

He panicked at first, arms frantically searching for the warmth of the person normally laying next to him, searching for Felix, but he wasn’t there. 

He shot up in bed, blinking as the sudden dizziness made his head spin a bit. He glanced around the room and noticed a small note on the nightstand and let out a tired sigh. Felix was on a walk again - Chan had no idea who he went with.

Every since Felix started to get better, slowly but surely he had been taking walks every morning to watch the sun rise. Every day for the past week, Felix would go venture off with one of the other eight and watch the sun arose over the horizon line in the dry and dead fields that surrounded their home.

Chan thought it was cute, heck, he was happy the others got along so well with him. Still, he couldn’t help the small tinge of jealousy that would alight in his stomach at the thought of Felix venturing on adventures without him. He really wished Felix would just wake him up sometimes and take him with, but that was never the case.

Whether it was just a case of miscommunication or if he simply forgot to, Chan was hurt that Felix had never invited him to go for a walk yet. 

In the two weeks they’ve shared a room, Felix has slept beside Chan, clinging to him like a baby koala every night, but lately the older had been feeling a strain in their relationship.

Sure Felix slept in his bed, but Chan could sense a turn of the tides.

The waters were rising rapidly and Chan could feel his heart drowning in his own jealousy as he watched his precious Felix slowly, but surely distance himself from him. 

It felt wrong… to be jealous. It was a foreign feeling, one that Chan could barely recognize. He had never been jealous of his own friends before in his life, but as fate had it, here he was, sitting in his impossibly too empty bed, heart seething and gut turning. 

Chan’s heart was a pink camellia, a flower of longing.

 

When Felix returned from his walk, the sun high in the sky, the younger wondered back to the master bedroom and was surprised to see the bed empty, devoid of the sight of a waiting Chan he had grown so used to during the past days. 

For a moment, Felix felt guilty for expecting Chan to still be here. Why would he have stayed and waited? He was the leader after all. He had responsibilities that were more important than Felix, greater things to do rather than cuddle with him until they both fell asleep again.

Felix was still recovering slowly, which is why he would go for walks then return to sleep. He was still weak from not eating for almost a weeks and his skin had lost its glowy tan color and had gone sickly pale from lack of sunlight. But since he started walking outside in the mornings, he was slowly getting some color back. 

Dozens of freckles now danced across his nose and cheeks, appearing more and more the longer he stayed out in the sun. He was slowly looking more alive with each passing second, hour, day, his health gradually returning. It was a blessing to the other eight boys. They were all so eager to see Felix healthy again that they did anything he asked for, even the little unusual things.

Felix, in his process of letting the others back into his heart, had developed a habit of clinging to the nearest boy like a child. He held their hand in both his own tightly, refusing to let go and continued to follow some of them around like a lost puppy.

No one noticed that their leader and their newest addition had stopped communicating or even sleeping in the same room anymore. Or if they noticed, they didn’t find it weird.

They all saw it as part of Felix’s healing process. It surely was, but they didn’t realize that it was on accident either. 

Felix would just follow Woojin around while Chan helped to train Minho in combat and shooting. Their schedule never seemed to cross paths. If Felix was sleeping soundly on the couch with Jisung, Chan was out training. If Chan was inside, relaxing for once, Felix would be out for another walk or clinging to another member of the stray family like a koala. 

The two, once inseparable, now were never seen together.

 

Chan could feel the jealousy scratching deep in his bones as he kept glancing over to Felix, fast asleep on the loveseat with his head gently pillowed in Changbin’s lap. He was hugging a blanket to his chest, his blond hair tousled from the way Changbin occasionally would let his fingers run through it, distracted as he quietly talked with Minho.

The sight was distracting, to say the least. 

Chan knew he should be paying attention to Hyunjin who he was speaking to about their weapon supply while simultaneously sharpening one of their knives, but soon he drowned out his talking in favor of staring at Felix’s sleeping form. 

Who would hold it against him, he looked like an angel when he was resting like this.

Despite the hopeless jealousy, Chan wasn’t mad. Far from mad, honestly. He was hopelessly in love with a boy who seemingly needed more affection than he could offer alone. Chan stared at Felix’ face, long and hard, taking in every small detail and mapping out every new freckle, imprinting the image into his mind like a stamp.

Yep, he was in love. 

A pink camellia flower for a heart, longing and missing his precious angel.

Chan snapped out of his trance when Hyunjin elbowed him in the side, shooting the leader a glare for his poor attention and continued to speak about their weaponry stock, explaining each knife, gun and rifle in almost surprisingly exact detail. 

Chan did his best to listen to what Hyunjin had to say - after all, it was important that they kept track of the condition of their weapons. Missing ammunition or a broken axe could easily cost them their life in an encounter with the infected.

Still, he couldn’t help himself as he kept glancing over to Felix again and again.

 

The night, Chan went to bed alone with a heavy feeling in his gut and a Felix sized hole in his heart. His sheets felt impossibly empty as he flopped down on the old mattress, his lips pressed into a tight line and his brows furrowed as his face scrunched up in a pained look. 

God, he missed having Felix by his side so much it made his chest ache again.

His fluffy blonde hair tickling Chan’s nose as he would nuzzle his cheek against the top of his head...it wasn’t there. 

His gentle, silent sigh as he would bury his face further into Chan’s chest...it wasn’t there.

His warmth, making him Chan’s personal heater, his soft and sweet scent that would calm down even the worst storm inside of his mind...it wasn’t there.

None of him was there. 

None of it and it was driving Chan mad. 

He was known for not sleeping well before Felix showed up in his life. Sleepless nights were his norm, occurring so often it almost bordered insomnia - but when Felix and him started to share a bed, they vanished almost instantly. The warmth of another person greatly helped to soothe him to sleep. 

Now though, Felix wasn’t here and Chan could only lay awake, staring at the wall as he breathed in the lingering scent that clung faintly to the blankets.

Felix wasn’t gone, per say. He just wasn’t with Chan. Felix had accidentally fallen asleep with Jeongin and Jisung that night, the three adult sized boys cuddling in a bed that was too small for them. But they made it work somehow. 

The sight had been overwhelmingly heartwarming and Chan wasn’t about to break it up with his own selfish desires. He knew in his heart that Jisung and Jeongin needed the attention as much as he did so Chan left the three boys to sleep and walked down the hall to his bedroom, his steps heavy - and he couldn’t tell if it was exhaustion or disappointment that made his feet drag with every step.

Now Chan lay, alone in his bed, wide awake. The faint scent of Felix filled his senses as he rolled over and pressed his face into the other pillow.

A pink camellia flower bloomed late in the night, longing infecting his heart as he lay still, staring at the blank wall with a pained expression.

A pink camellia flower missing it’s sunshine…

 

The sun was already setting when Chan finally awoke. Apart from that, it was just like the other mornings of the last week - his bed painfully empty and his heart yearning for a certain young boy.

He wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, he barely could believe he slept at all without Felix. Chan managed to sleep for hours, his body must have been quite exhausted for him to crash like that.

Sleepy and a little confused, Chan pushed himself up onto his elbows, resting his weight heavily on his arms as he looked around the dimly lit room. His eyes were unfocused and lost as he blankly stared at the boring walls and the boring floor. 

The room felt far too empty. Too big.

It took Chan a solid minute to notice the plate of food beside the bed on the nightstand, a tall glass of water standing at the side. A little folded note was slid under the glass, a little damp from the condensation.

Chan blinked in surprise at the note, humming to himself as his brows furrowed.

His heart fluttered as his mind lingered on one possible candidate who would leave him a note, but he quickly squashed the feeling with rational thoughts. Or what he believed to be rational. 

Chan grabbed the slice of stale bread from the plate and took a bite, before reaching over and taking the paper into his hands. It was folded delicately, causing his heart to flutter once again. He took another bite, this time more tentatively, before unfolding the note.

_‘Chan,_

_I know you are busy these days. Maybe that’s why we never hang out anymore…but I just wanted to say that I’m worried about you. You’re important to us, you know that?_

_Even all the things you have to do must at one point leave a space for you to hang out with us, right?_

_...._

_I miss you._

_-F’_

The lines made Chan both feel guilty and relieved. 

A sad smile appeared on his lips as he read the note over and over again, his heart warming while his gut twisted uncomfortably. Maybe he would join the others tonight? Just for a bit...just to show them that he still was around, still cared, still had time for them?

No, not tonight.

Chan softly smiled at the note, happy to know that Felix still enjoyed his company, but he couldn’t help, but feel guilty. 

He was worrying the others, he was worrying the people who were supposed to be relying on him, not the other way around - they shouldn’t think about him that way. Worrying the others...worrying Felix felt like he was failing. Letting them down.

He didn’t deserve to hang out with the others just yet, didn’t deserve to see Felix smile just for him. 

No, not yet.

Chan let himself fall back onto the lumpy old mattress, closing his eyes as he sighed through his nose loudly. 

He wasn’t tired, but he might as well sleep once more. There wasn’t much else to do anyway...at least not for today. 

Keeping the note pressed close to his chest, right over his painful beating heart, he let sleep sweep him over once again.

Drifting away, he dreamed of a young boy with a million freckles whose smile could outshine the sun, not realizing how much he wished to see that smile directed at him once again.


	9. Blue Iris

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felix confronts Chan about him being distant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning: Hope and Strength
> 
>  
> 
> I don't have much to say about this chapter, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway!
> 
> Thanks again to @GonerLoner for being my beta! I love you, you kind soul!
> 
> Oh and Happy Birthday to our precious Woojin! I love that overgrown teddy bear to bits and I genuinely wish him the best! I hope he got everything he could ever want!

Felix may be young, but he wasn’t as naive as many believed him to be.

A people pleaser, yes, maybe, but he wasn’t stupid. Felix knew Chan was keeping his distance. He could feel it in his heart, he didn’t have to see it to know. He could just feel their bond being pulled tight. 

The strain on their relationship was obvious.

There was a question that hung in the back of everyone’s minds as the two danced around each other for days on end. The same very question plagued Felix’s mind like an infection.

What were they?

It was obvious the two were more than friends. Felix knew this all too well. He knew in his heart that he wanted something more - and he could tell Chan did as well. 

Felix had eyes. He wasn’t oblivious enough to not know that the attention Chan normally gave him wasn’t the same as with the other boys in their family. He was friendly, yes, but him being friendly felt...a little different with Felix.

And Felix loved the attention, the affection the older showed him. 

Craved it most days, but recently… Chan ignored him.

Felix could feel the distance between their hearts.

It felt like miles between the two, miles of an ocean of unsaid words and longing, painfully obvious when they were in the same room.

He wondered if it was because something he had done...Maybe he could have avoided it all coming to a point like this.

 

 

Chan sat on the rooftop alone, staring up at the star-flecked sky. The moon sat high up on its throne, shining brightly in its round glory. The stars twinkled and shined brightly this night, not a single cloud in sight to cover them up. 

They reminded him of someone; soft brown eyes sparkling with almost childish innocence and barely concealed emotions. Star-freckled soft skin, crinkling a bit when stretched by a smile that could rival the sun. A picture of his face flashed through his mind as he shut his eyes and sighed deeply.

He could hear the faint click of the skylight opening, someone was coming up to check on him. 

He sighed again, this time in frustration as he opened his eyes, ignoring the sound of footsteps approaching and focusing his gaze on the stars instead.

“I’m fine.” He said out to the stars, shutting his eyes tightly in frustration, “You can go to bed, Woojin. I don’t need you to tell me more about the things I should and should not do.” His voice was so tired, yet so...disappointed? Chan couldn’t name the emotions he was feeling. “And what I certainly don’t need right now is sleep.”

When there still was no answer behind him, Chan turned around with a frown “Woojin-”

He broke off as his own narrowed gaze met the soft and sweet brown eyes he was daydreaming of.

Oh.

A blink, and maybe, just maybe, the sound that left his lips was just a teeny bit embarrassing. Who could blame him though - Felix was the last person he would have expected to join him up here. 

“Hey...Felix.” His hands fidgeted by his side, longing to touch.

Felix smiled softly in greeting, taking a few more light steps and sitting down next to him. His hair was tousled - if it was because of sleep or one of the boys, Chan couldn’t tell.

He was only wearing a big shirt and an old pair of joggers that used to be Jeongin’s. They were a bit too short for him.

Wasn’t he cold like this? Why was he even up here when he wasn’t wearing anything proper against the cold? 

His arm itched to wrap around Felix' waist and pull him closer against his side, to finally cuddle him properly again.

But he didn’t. 

Instead, Chan kept his hands to himself and quickly turned his head away from Felix, forcing himself to stare at the stars, even though they didn’t manage to hold his focus for long. Now that Felix was here, the person he dreamed about, the person who occupied his daydreams, his thoughts, his whole mind - sue him if he couldn’t help but glance at him occasionally. 

Felix was watching him. He hummed silently after a while, pulling his knees up to his chest and lightly bumping his shoulder against Chan’s in hopes to get his attention. When the older didn’t look over, Felix lightly bumped his shoulder once again, earning a small grunt from Chan, who tilted with the pressure, falling forward slightly. Chan turned and gave Felix a confused expression, which the boy returned with a mischievous smile. 

Childlike and youthful, that was Felix. The Felix he knew and loved.

Chan scoffed a bit with a smile, leaning back on his hands. He looked up into the starry sky again. “Go down again, Felix. I’ll be okay.” Voice as quiet as a whisper, he didn’t dare to look in Felix’ direction.

His eyes closed as Felix leaned his head on his shoulder, the fluffy strands of his hair tickled his neck. “Really. You don’t...have to stay here. You’ll get cold.”

Felix only looked up at him with a lifted eyebrow and snuggled closer to steal from Chan’s warmth. 

Chan sighed, laying an arm around his shoulders as he felt a shiver running down his back. 

The two sat like that in silence for a few moments, before Felix lightly nudged his shoulder once again and tilted his head up to give Chan a concerned look.

Oh god, he was so beautiful.

And even if there was worry, concern lacing through his soft eyes, Felix was so effortlessly stunning that it took Chan every ounce of his willpower to not kiss him here and there.

No. What was he thinking?

Chan quickly turned away, a deep blush spreading across his features as he looked out at the sky once again. He could see Felix frown out of the corner of his eye and was taken by surprise when he tugged on the collar of his shirt, causing him to look down again with a raised brow. “What is it?”

The younger smiled sweetly once again and placed a gentle hand on the center of Chan’s chest, causing the older’s heart to flutter and his gut to twist in anticipation. But Felix’ smile morphed into one of sadness as he looked down at Chan’s chest, glanced up at the sky before pressing a piece of paper against Chan’s thigh with his other hand hesitantly. He glanced away, a blush of embarrassment colored his ears red as he moved out of Chan’s side-hug.

Chan furrowed his brows, tentatively taking the note. He could feel the nervous beat of his heart as he glanced at a shy Felix, who was looking down at his feet, hugging his knees to his chest. The sight was endearing. 

Why was he so nervous? 

His hands grew clammy as he gently unfolded the note, reading it once.

 

 _‘Why are you avoiding me?_  
...  
_Did I do something wrong?’_

 

He didn’t know what he had expected...not this probably.

Chan could feel his mouth go dry, as he simply stared at Felix, who just curled further into himself under Chan’s heavy gaze. Glancing up at the older occasionally, but quickly averting his gaze as soon as it met Chan’s.

“Felix… What are you talking about?” Chan asked slowly, cautiously, though he already knew the answer. The guilt twisted in his gut like a knife. He knew exactly what was wrong.

Felix opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out and he flinched inwardly at his awkwardness. He always tried to speak around Chan, despite knowing he couldn’t. 

He let out a little huff of air and pointed to himself, making a sad face. Tapping his finger repeatedly to his chest as he met Chan’s eyes with his own sad gaze. 

Chan blinked at him, frowning softly and nodding. He looked down at the paper, gently folding it back up, but continued to stare down at his hands. 

“No.” He paused, shaking his head and putting the note into his jacket pocket before looking at Felix. Watching his pained expression was more than Chan could stand, so he looked back at the sky again. 

“You did nothing wrong. You could never do anything wrong Felix…” Voice soft and lost in thoughts, he kept his eyes fixed on the sky. He let out a soft sigh as Felix leaned against him once again. Their sides pressed together as Felix gently laced their fingers.

“In my eyes, you could do no wrong. Never,” Chan whispered, mostly to himself, but Felix lifted his head up and rested his chin on Chan’s shoulder, gaze searching for answers. He looked confused and lost, but Chan simply just held his gaze without saying another word. 

Not that he could have given Felix the answer he was searching for - even if he had it.

The two stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Chan leaned forward slightly, pressing his forehead to Felix’, their breath mingling. He watched as Felix leaned into the warmth eagerly and his heart swooned. 

He reached out his hand and gently cupped Felix’ right cheek, caressing the soft skin under his eyes with his thumb. His heart fluttered as he leaned in slowly, just centimeters from touching Felix’ lips with his own. 

Felix’ eyes were brimming with emotions, soft brown almost black in the darkness of the night, disappearing behind his eyelids as they fluttered close again.

They stayed like that for a few minutes. Felix enjoying the warmth and attention, while Chan tried to work up the courage to just close the distance, to kiss him, to show him the love he felt for him, the love he deserved. 

But he couldn't. There was still something holding him back.

An irritated sigh escaped him at that thought, causing Felix’ eyes to flutter open as he looked at Chan with a confused expression. The older stopped to stare at his features for a moments, a big smile spread across his face as he chuckled at Felix’s cute pout.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”, Chan whispered softly, smiling wider as Felix’s face grew cherry red. He chuckled as he looked down shyly, averting his eyes and tucking his face into the curve of Chan’s neck. 

The older wrapped his arms around Felix again, pulling him impossibly close, his breath tickling his neck slightly causing him to fidget slightly in his embrace, snuggling closer to Chan’s chest. 

Felix shook his head at his words.

Chan gently placed a soft kiss against the exposed skin of Felix’ shoulder. His skin was cold. They should get inside soon.

“Well, you are. You’re one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever had the honor of meeting.” A small smile sat on his lips.

Felix simply responded by letting out a huff of air again. He shook his head once again, letting his nose drag along the sensitive skin of Chan’s neck, inhaling his scent of night and musk and Chan. His ears were still red.

Chan failed to suppress a shiver.

“Felix…”

The younger hummed silently in question, pulling back slightly to look up at Chan with diamonds in his eyes. His soft brown eyes twinkling, reflecting the bright stars beautifully.

Chan’s breath got caught in his throat. He paused, staring at Felix for a moment, completely awestruck.

He was more than certain he had an angel sitting in front of him.

“Um…”, he sputtered softly, still staring into Felix’s eyes. 

Felix silently giggled at his antics, fluttering his lashes playfully and laughing a bit harder as Chan’s face grew red. He hummed silently once again, his vocal cords vibrating in his throat as he looked up at Chan, waiting patiently.

“Felix, I…” He broke off, letting his gaze fall to the rooftop below them. He swallowed heavily, lifting his hands to cup Felix’ face in his palms. 

He let his gaze linger, taking in the wide, innocent eyes, his tousled hair, swaying softly in the gentle breeze, his pink lips, before leaning in.

Their lips collided, a bit more harshly than either of them imagined.

Chan’s heart beat pulsed through his ears as he held Felix close, moving his lips gently against his, but he pulled away quickly once he felt Felix tense up.

The older stared at Felix for a second, taking in his expression with wide and fearful eyes. He felt guilt and a bit of disappointment fill his heart as he looked Felix in the eyes.

Felix looked lost, completely and utterly confused. 

Chan could practically hear the gears turning in the younger’s head as he stared at Felix with a concerned expression.

“Felix? E-everything alright?”

His voice seemed to startle the boy back to the present as Felix flinched away from Chan, giving the older a perplexed look before scrambling to his feet. He slipped slightly on the roof tiles, but quickly caught himself before he fell down to the hard dirt below. 

That...that wasn’t how Chan expected this to go.

He got up with Felix, reaching out to touch him, calm him down, anything, but he flinched away, taking a step back. 

Blood rushed in his ears, the sting of rejection making his skin itch and tingle.

The younger burst into a fit of silent nervous giggles, running his fingers through his messy blonde locks nervously. He looked around at anything, but Chan.

The sight broke Chan’s heart.

Felix’s gaze finally landing on the open skylight and the younger hurried over to the exit and slipped back into the house, not caring about Chan’s whisper-yell of his name. A loud crash sounded from the attic as Chan guessed the younger tripped over some supplies in his hurry to get away.

Chan stared at the open skylight, dumbfounded. He blinked a few times, his throat growing tight as he sat right back down on the rooftop and looked back up at the stars. 

He ruined it.

Goddamnit, he ruined it all.

Hot, silent tears dripped down his face as he made a decision - the next morning, he would apologize to Felix, apologize for his feelings, how he had treated him recently and...if he still wanted to have anything to do with him after that...he would promise to never, ever act upon those feelings again.

 

 

 

By now, Chan should be used to waking up alone again.

He sat up, leaning heavily on his arms, sleepiness still heavy in his limbs.

Memories of the night before flooded into the forefront of his mind as he looked around the room. He groaned loudly,, rubbing the sleep from eyes rather aggressively. 

“You’re a fucking idiot, Bang Chan.” He pushed himself out of the old bed and onto his feet.

“Fucking pathetic. You couldn’t keep it together, could you?”, he grumbled, shaking his head slightly.

With a resigned sigh, he opened the door to leave the room, but paused at the absence of loud morning noise.

He frowned. Was it earlier than he thought? Or were they all outside?

Chan ventured out of his room hesitantly, glancing into the guest bedroom, only to see that it was empty. The living room being vacant as well as he walked out of the hallway and into the open space.

Where was everyone?

The emptiness was strange, unusual, for normally, the place would be loud and bursting at the seams with playful and rowdy boys. 

Voices echoed from the kitchen, causing Chan’s frown to deepen. He hesitantly walked over to the entrance, leaning against the doorway slightly, as he stared at the seven boys he had been searching, all huddled around something laying on the table.

Wait.

Seven?

They were talking in low tones, concerned whispers and hissed answers mixing, still oblivious to Chan’s presence. 

“Ya… What’s going on?”, Chan asked in a soft tone, watching the others as some flinched and others jumped. All seven boys whipped their heads around to stare at Chan, some with wide shocked eyes, while others glared. 

Chan was taken back by their reaction to his presence. He could feel the daggers stabbing into his gut as guilt took over him.

What happened?

Woojin stepped forward, holding a folded piece of paper and dread squeezed Chan’s heart in an ice cold hold. 

Something was wrong with Felix. He was the only one to ever leave notes to the others and also...the only one who was missing right now. 

Woojin’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at Chan’s reaction. The eldest glanced down at the note, a frown gracing his features as he looked back up and stared at Chan.

“Chan, what did you do?” His voice wavered a bit, he was fighting to keep calm.

Chan blinked in shock, his heart sinking. 

“What? I didn’t do anything… I-”

“Bullshit! Of course you did something!”, Jeongin suddenly snapped, cutting Chan off before he could finish his sentence. Their youngest family member glared at him with such disdain that Chan visibly flinched. “Otherwise, Felix would still be-” He broke off, clenching his fists as he looked away with tears in his eyes. 

Seungmin placed a gentle hand on Jeongin’s shoulder, pulling him back against his chest with a soothing hum in a desperate try to calm him down again.

Chan stared at the youngest with wide eyes. 

“I-I-I…” Searching for the right words to say, but there were none. His mind was impossibly blank. He swallowed thickly, looking down at the floor, unable to meet the others’ eyes.

He didn’t want to think about what had happened, what had happened that they were all staring at him like this, but somehow he thought he already knew.

Woojin sighed through his nose, looking back to the other boys and shaking his head slightly, his gaze lingering on Jeongin who had his face hidden in Seungmin’s chest, almost inaudible sobs ringing in the thick silence of the kitchen. 

“Chan, have you seen Felix today?”, Woojin asked tentatively, watching him with a soft, yet sad gaze.

Chan swallowed thickly once again before shaking his head.

“Not since last night, on the roof, no.” Chan lifted his eyes from the floor to meet Woojin’s gaze, his gaze vulnerable.

“Woojin, did something happen to Felix?” 

Woojin simply averted his gaze, looking down at the folded note between his hands before holding the paper out for Chan to read. His hand was shaking slightly.

Five of the other boys watched the two eldest with sad eyes, unsure of what to do now.

“He wrote a special section… for you.” Woojin looked back to the younger boys and jerked his head towards the door. 

“Let’s give him some privacy, ya?” With that, he led the others out of the kitchen.

Changbin lingered behind a bit in the doorway, giving Chan a long look before Woojin gently pushed him along and just like that, Chan was alone. 

He hesitated, unsure of what to do, staring down at the note. Or maybe it was a letter? There sure were a lot of words for it just being a note.

The first half was addressed to the other boys, written in Hangul while the other half was written in English. Addressed to Chan and Chan alone. 

_‘Dear Friends,_

_I’m sorry that I stayed so long here. I must have really been quite the burden, ya?_

_I’m sorry again. But I just wanted to say, that you all mean so much to me and I’m glad to have met you all, even if I wasn’t very friendly at times…_

_Jeongin, you’ve grown a lot since I first met you. I want you to stay strong, ya? You’re one of the strongest I know, kid. You keep smiling for me, okay? It would mean the world to me if you did._

_Jisung, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I had to leave you like this. I wish I could have hugged you good-bye, but I didn’t want to wake you up. Because I knew if I did, you’d ask me to stay and how could I refuse you?_

_Changbin, thank you. Thank you for letting me bother you into taking me onto walks almost every morning, even though you wanted to sleep. Thank you for playing with my hair whenever I fell asleep after said walks in your lap. You were the best pillow I could ask for (Sorry Sungie!). I’m sure you’re looking forward to sleeping in from now on, aren’t you?_

_And Woojin…_

_Woojin, thank you for always being there for me. For picking me up, accepting me. You helped me to realize that you all were the family I needed…_

_Please don’t be sad. It’s for the best._

_Goodbye.’_

After that, the letter switched into English, showing off some of the most beautiful handwriting Chan had seen in a long time. 

He leaned against the table and continued to read, a bit more carefully this time, letting his eyes linger on every word like they alone could tell him why...and where he went.

_‘Chris,’_

The name caught Chan off guard for a second, having forgotten that long ago, he had told Felix his real name.

“You remembered…”, he murmured under his breath as tears formed in his eyes. Something hot was sitting in his chest, burning like fire on his skin.

He quickly scrubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, focusing his gaze back onto the paper as the thoughts chased each other around in his mind.

_‘None of this is your fault. None of it. You did nothing wrong._

_You could never do wrong in my eyes, Chris. Never in a million years could you ever hurt me._

_I’m sorry I ran away earlier. You...caught me off-guard and now I realize I probably hurt you. But...it’s better like this._

_I believe you’ve always known that I liked you. I enjoyed our time together more than anyone else ever could. You were always so kind… So loving._

_I was scared, I didn’t know what to do._

_I’m not what you deserve…_

_You don’t need a coward beside you, sharing your bed with you, holding you…_

_You don’t need me._

_So I left and by the time you read this, I’ll be halfway back to the city where we found her._

_Please don’t come looking for me. It’ll be a waste of time._

_You were always special to me Chris, don’t ever forget that._

_-F’_

A tear fell, splashing against the dry paper and smudging the ink of the pen slightly. 

He sank to the floor, the paper crumpling in his tightly clenched fists. A silent sob racked its way through his body, soon turning into a river of tears as he cried there on the kitchen floor.

Minutes passed, he cried and cried...until there was nothing left anymore. No tears left to cry. 

Seven boys looked up in shock as they saw Chan walking into the living room, holding the crumpled paper in his hand. He sniffled lightly, eyes fixed on it before he let it fall to the floor and met their gaze, one after the other.

His gaze was sharp, hard with determination. 

“We have to find him.”


	10. Mossy Rosebud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited finally (that I'll be honest, I forgot to post)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Meaning: A love confession

Barely two hours had passed since they found the discarded note in their kitchen,

Barley an hour and a half since Chan had read the note himself.

Barely an hour since their plan was set into action.

Barely half an hour since Jisung, Changbin, and Chan set out to find their missing piece. The last member of their little family, the glue that held them all together.

 

Chan paused his running at the outskirts of the city, breathing in deeply as his eyes frantically searched the streets between the buildings for any sight of familiar blonde hair and a skinny frame. His brown eyes were dark with determination, a black fire burning within his irises.

The leader of the small group of three didn’t even look back or wait for the other two to catch up before continuing to run down the hill he had been standing on, towards the first skeletons of the once magnificent city. But he couldn’t run away from the lost feeling in his heart, the yearning and longing as he frantically searched for Felix’s familiar features. The ones he loved so very much. The ones that he couldn’t get out of the forefront of his mind no matter how hard he tried.

Jisung and Changbin paused at the edge of the city to catch their breath, watching as Chan hurried down the hill like the man on a mission he was. 

Jisung folded like wilting dandelion, bracing his hands on his knees as he desperately tried to catch his breath. Almost completely exasperated, Jisung turned to Changbin, closing one eye as he panted.

“You could at least pretend to be tired, you know,” he grumbled tiredly, shooting Changbin a weak glare. 

Changbin didn’t answer, his gaze locked on Chan’s retreating figure. His breathing was deep, he stood with his shoulders drawn back and his back straight. “He’s such an idiot”, he murmured suddenly, his brows furrowed in irritation.

Jisung didn’t have a chance to ask him what he meant - or to be surprised of Changbin’s irritation - because he took off again, running after Chan and not caring about Jisung’s surprised yell as he ran to catch up with him.

“Chan! Wait up, you idiot!”

At first, Chan ignored him, running to another building to enter it. Changbin had enough.

Upon reaching their leader, he grabbed his shoulder and turned him around with surprising strength, causing him to stumble and almost fall.

“Changbin, what-”

A slap threw his head to the side.

For a few seconds, both stared at each other - Chan with eyes widened in shock, holding his cheek and Changbin with a gaze burning in anger and irritation.

Jisung stopped short at the tension crackling between them as he reached them, biting his lip nervously.

“What do you actually think you’re doing, Chan?” Changbin’s voice was a low, dangerous growl, his fists clenched at the sides. He deliberately chose not to speak with honorifics. “Simply running into the city, yelling around for Felix, putting yourself, us all, into so much danger - hell, do you know how many infected you’ve probably already alerted with your screaming? Do you know how fucking irresponsible…-” 

Clenching his teeth, he closed his eyes briefly as he felt Jisung’s hand on his back. It wouldn’t be of any use if he put Chan down more than he already was.

“I’d go through any danger to find him.” The words were spoken so quietly Changbin almost didn’t hear them. It made him sigh, releasing a bit of his tension while pulling out his pistol.

“I know. But...Hyung, this isn’t you. You can’t just run into every building, screaming for him and randomly hope to find him. Putting aside the fact that he can’t answer us even when he hears us.” He paused, eyes fixed on movement in the shadows behind Chan. “We need a plan to find him. This district is overrun by infected, danger is fucking...everywhere and you always tell us to never go anywhere without a proper plan, so it’s only-”

Jisung cleared his throat nervously, interrupting him. “I think before we form a plan, we first have to think about how to save our own skin...Look.” 

He pointed behind Chan, making the elder turn around quickly before letting out a curse. 

Infected were staggering their way - at least ten of them. Some were moving faster than others, almost running towards them, arms outstretched and the remains of their faces twisted into a disgusting snarl of hunger.

Jisung stumbled back. None of them had ever before seen Infected that were still able to run.

“Shit.” Chan was paling. He gulped before looking at the other two boys, one of them reciprocating his look with fear, the other with nervous determination in his eyes.

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself while pulling out his gun as they started to run.

“We talk later. Let’s get to higher ground and shoot them!”, he declared with a somewhat steady voice and gritted teeth, the worry about Felix momentarily pushed back with the task of protecting the two boys running with him.

He had brought them in this situation...he would also get them out again.

 

Half an hour. 

It took them half an hour to take down all the Infected running for them. Chan went out of ammunition first, cursing as he sheathed his gun again. They didn’t take more ammunition with them than what still was in the clips of the firearms - which wasn’t much. 

Luckily, it was enough to take down the Infected searching after them.

Chan let out a big breath as silence finally reigned outside. He exchanged a look with Changbin. “No ammunition left. How about you?”

Changbin checked, biting his lip. “Two bullets.”

Chan nodded, contemplating. “I’m sure we’ll be running into more while we’re searching for Felix. Whatever you find - pick up anything resembling the piece of a pipe, anything made of metal and stable enough to crack a skull. We might need it.” He sighed, deflating a bit until he was leaning heavily against the wall they were covering behind. 

“You were right, Changbin...I’m sorry for bringing you both into such immense danger. That was indeed...very irresponsible of me.”

Changbin smiled tight-lipped, a hand briefly resting on Chan’s shoulder. “It’s okay, hyung - apology accepted. Now let’s go and get your boyfriend back.”

Chan’s head snapped up. “He isn’t-!”

“Oh please, I beg to differ.” Jisung winked, a small smile playing around his lips at Chan’s flustered state.

Chan huffed, standing up and taking another look outside. “It looks like the coast is clear by now.” 

Motioning for the other two to follow him, he left the building, looking left and right. But only debris surrounded them, parts of fallen buildings, broken, skeletal remains of the life that once had bustled through the city.

The trio continued their way, silently this time, trying to keep to the sides of the street. Ducking into what once seemed to be a car park, Chan was quite happy to find a pile of scrap metal. He went to pick up two long tubes, handing one to Jisung. 

“No shooting anymore until we find Felix”, he told Changbin, his voice levelled. “We’re going to search for him in the buildings of this street - it’s the one where…” He swallowed. “Where we searched through the shops for food a few weeks ago. He might be here somewhere because this is a location he knows. Somewhat at least.”

Changbin and Jisung nodded at his words, faces set into a mixture of fear and determination.

Hopefully, they weren’t too late.

The worry stepped into the foreground of his mind again, but Chan focused to not let it take overhand again. He had to be strong now - strong for Changbin. For Jisung. 

For Felix.

“This is the only district close to us that offers the promise of food and a somewhat safe access to medicine. He has to be here.” Chan didn’t know if Jisung was talking to him or himself, but he nodded either way. 

Yes, he had to be here...Somewhere. 

Gritting his teeth, he willed his mind to not think about the situations they might find Felix in. It would not be of any use right now.

 

The search through the still accessible buildings didn’t bring anything until they reached the end of the street - with the supermarket Chan and Felix had been searching for food before witnessing Olivia’s cruel death. That was almost a month ago now.

Trying to calm his racing heart and shove the memories away again, Chan looked back at the boys following him. 

“Okay, I think we shoul-”

A loud crash from inside the supermarket cut him off. 

Jisung flinched so hard he almost dropped the pipe he was holding while Changbin quickly pulled his pistol out and pointed it towards the noise. 

Chan stared in the direction of the open entrance of the store, his eyes narrowing as his hand tightened on the steel pipe in his hands.

They had to take a look at what was happening inside. Even if it meant danger - it could mean that Felix was inside.

So he cautiously stepped through the open door, one of the two door wings was missing. Shards of broken glass crunched under his heavy boots as he disappeared into the store and out of sight.

Changbin looked back at Jisung and nodded his head towards the store, his lips softening into a somewhat encouraging smile.

Jisung swallowed but grabbed his own steel pipe a bit tighter before holding it in front of himself like a sword. Hesitantly, he followed Changbin into the store.

Chan paused at the beginning of the center aisle, pointing to Changbin then to the right before using his left hand to point at Jisung then to the left, gesturing for the two to take the sides. 

The store was eerily silent, except for the sound of shifting cans and bottles rolling around on the floor, giving away that something - or someone - was in the store beside the three.

The groaning and wheezing of an Infected rang through the stale air, but the noises were far more intense than usual. 

Unsettlingly close. 

The snapping of jaws and the clank of teeth smashing together made Chan’s stomach twist like a hot iron was stabbed into his stomach. 

There was something eerily familiar about this silence.

As Chan reached the end of the center aisle, the noise grew louder and louder, and now he could hear the faint huffs of a struggle.

The sound of glass shattering and a pained, almost inaudible gasp caused Chan’s veins to turn to ice. 

He desperately hoped it wasn’t who he thought it was.

Chan lifted the steel pipe like a baseball bat, ready to swing it at the first sign of danger. He took a deep breath before he rounded the next corner-

But nothing could have prepared him for this sight.

Felix was laying on the floor about fifty meters away from him. He was on his back, trying his best to fight off the Infected snapping at him, the clinking of teeth loud in the air, just centimeters away from the vulnerable skin of his neck.

Time slowed down into molasses.

_“Promise me you will. Promise me that you… you’ll keep him safe.”_

The words rang through his head like a haunting melody, he frantically blinked as her blooded face and hands came to the forefront of his mind. 

_“Promise me you will.”_

_“Promise…”_

_Olivia’s eyes were growing dull with every second, her hands desperately clinging to Felix’s. Felix stared down at her face, his gaze focused like he was trying to remember every inch of her features in that moment. Olivia held Chan’s gaze, her eyes narrow and intense, staring him down as the light slowly faded from her irises._

_“I promise.”_

_Felix’s gaze, so soft and sad met his own._

_Dark brown eyes stared at him, so unsure yet so focused._

_Chan watched as Olivia went limp and Felix’s gaze wasn’t on him anymore. Staring down at his sister’s dead form, slowly growing cold in his grasp._

_“I promise-”_

_“I promise-”_

_“I promise-”_

The words rang in his head, drowning out the sounds of the fight happening in front of him.

Gunshots brought his mind back to the present, his eyes widening as he saw the now dead Infected fully crushing Felix to the floor.

Chan didn’t need to see the absolute terror in his eyes, on his face as he screamed silently to know he had to get him out of there.

Now.

His steel pipe fell to the ground with a loud thud as his feet started to move on their own, running.

He didn’t hear whatever Changbin was saying, screaming, shouting. He didn’t care.

All that mattered was getting to Felix. 

His knees hit the ground hard, making him flinch in pain before he pushed the dead body weight off him, using all the strength he still had left in him.

It took Chan barely a minute to free Felix.

He had his eyes shut tight, body still tense and stiff, breath flying through his chest much too fast to be able to calm down on his own again. Terror caused violent shivers to rattle over his body, adrenaline coursing through his veins. 

“Oh god, Felix!”, Chan finally coughed out, his voice hoarse with emotion as he pulled him into his lap, cradling him close to his chest. He placed a tender and hard kiss to the crown of Felix’s head, fighting back tears as he rubbed Felix’ arms reassuringly.

He ignored the way Felix tensed up at the sound of his voice, the way his veins felt icy and cold. He simply focused on the warmth of Felix, on his real, very there scent of sweat, grime and Felix. He was just so damn happy to see him again, so happy to finally have him back in his arms. 

Chan pulled back slightly, cupping Felix’s face in his hands as his glassy gaze desperately searched Felix’s features. 

Soft brown eyes stared back into his own, wide and glazed over with unshed tears and confusion.

“Oh Felix, my Felix…”, he murmured, pressed their foreheads together as tears streamed down his face. He felt a wave of pride as Felix’s breath hitched at the contact, the blonde slowly melting into his touches as tears streamed down his cheeks and he began to sob silently again. 

“Shhh, you’re okay, I got-” 

He broke off when he felt a sickening wet warmth against his stomach. Pulling away, he looked down at Felix’s torso, eyes widening as he saw blood seeping from Felix’ side into his shirt. 

His heart began to pound rapidly, panic taking hold of his mind in a death grip. His hands quickly left Felix’s face, feather light fingers brushed along the blonde’s sides as he searched for where the blood was coming from, silently praying that it wasn’t a bite or a scratch from the Infected that lay not far from them.

Chan glanced up from Felix’ sides, looking to the Infected for any signs of blood, but saw that its hands were simply dirtied with soil and dust. Only its own black blood stained its fingertips.

He let out a sigh of relief - when something strange caught his eyes: the Infected had no fingernails. It probably clawed them off in a frantic attempt to get into the store. 

Turning his attention back to Felix, he hooked his fingers under the hem of his jacket and slowly peeled the fabric up, exposing his soft tummy to open air. More tears welled up in his eyes as Felix let out a pained gasp at the movement. 

A big shard of glass was lodged into his side, a few centimeters of it sticking out. The glass was jagged and long, splattered with the blood of the boy he had grown so fond of.

Chan tried to pull his thoughts together, thinking quickly. Moving Felix with the shard of glass in his side was simply not possible without it possibly piercing some of his inner organs. He prayed the wound was only a flesh wound.

“I’m...I’m so sorry, baby, this is gonna hurt, but I’ll have to remove the shard and bandage you up”, he whispered, voice hoarse with pain as he locked eyes with Felix. 

The younger didn’t like that very much apparently, judging by the way he tried to lean away from Chan - even though every movement of his torso made him gasp in pain.

It tore Chan’s heart in two.

“Felix, baby….look at me.” He gently pulled Felix’ face back towards him to look him in the eyes again, facing his pain, fear and confusion. “I’ll never let anything happen to you again, okay? Never ever. We’ll get you out of here. We’ll get you back - everything will be okay, alright? Please...trust me.” He almost didn’t recognize the broken whisper as his own voice.

For a few painful seconds, neither of them moved. Until Felix finally nodded, his eyes closing as tears of pain rolled down his cheeks as he allowed Chan to lay him down again.

Pulling off his jacket and sweater, Chan hesitated only for a bit before shedding his shirt too and starting to tear it into long stripes. It wasn’t quite clean anymore with how much they’ve ran until they made it here...but at the moment, they had nothing else. Woojin would have to do a lot of work once they got home.

He tried to work quick despite his shaking hands, tying the stripes together and bandaging the wound as good as he could before pulling on his sweater and jacket again. 

Risking a glance at Felix’ face, he bit his lip. He was much too pale. They had to hurry.

Quickly finishing up, he carefully pulled Felix into a sitting position, cupping his cheeks gently and staring into his eyes, trying to convey all the love, all the soul-crushing adoration he held for this boy.

“God, Felix... Don’t ever leave us again, okay?” His hoarse voice was barely above a whisper, seriousness and desperation working together to make Felix nod with tears in his eyes. He leaned forward, their foreheads touching.

“I love you. I fucking love you so much it hurts.” He swallowed, tears glistening on his cheeks. “Felix, I can’t lose you… Not again. I-”

Felix nodded again, closing his eyes in an attempt to stop his own tears as Chan leaned in and pressed a soft yet hesitant kiss to Felix’s lips. 

“I love you. So damn much...”, he murmured against his mouth, holding Felix a bit tighter as they shared a tender kiss, full of love and desperation.

They sat in silence for a bit, just basking in each other’s presence.

It didn’t last very long.

“Ah, I don’t want to interrupt your moment, guys, but…” Jisung’s voice snapped both of them out of their trace, the fear between his words making Chan’s head shot up in worry.

“What...Where’s Changbin?” Only now he realized the fourth member of the group missing. 

Jisung bit his lip. Chan noticed the pipe he was holding was blood-splattered. Black blood. “Fighting a way out. Dozens of Infected are crowding the only entrance to the store. We have to go.”

Chan nodded, exchanging a glance with Felix. “Help him get on my back.”

Jisung stepped closer, lifting him up and biting his lip at the silent, yet audibly pained gasp. “Felix, Chan has to run”, he whispered as he helped Felix climb onto Chan’s back who crouched in front of them. 

“We’ll...It might hurt a lot more before we get home, but as soon as we make it, Woojin-hyung will patch you up again.” Jisung carefully cupped Felix’ face in his hands, trying to stay as calm as he could while maintaining eye contact. “Everything will be okay.” He stepped back again after a tender kiss to Felix’ head.

Felix bit his lip but still nodded, his arms around Chan’s shoulders, his face hidden in his neck. His short, ragged breath pushing against the skin was worrisome, Chan hoped he wouldn’t faint until they were back at their house.

“Hold on as tight as you can”, he instructed, tightening his grip on Felix’ legs as he followed Jisung to the entrance of the store.

Changbin had indeed already cleared a path, a few Infected lying on the ground, dead. He was fighting with a piece of debris now, black blood smeared across his arms and face as he gritted his teeth. “Run! Jisung and I will keep them away from you!”, he screamed as soon as he locked eyes with Chan.

Chan prayed to God - or anyone who so happened to hear his thoughts - that the blood on their skin wasn’t enough to turn them into Infected too.

He nodded, adjusting his grip on Felix once again and feeling him clinging on tighter - before he started to run, jumping over the dead bodies, trying to get out of reach from their clawing hands before bolting towards the end of the street, out of the district and on their way home.

He heard more than he saw Changbin and Jisung following them, accompanied by the screeching of the Infected - and for a second he felt fear scratching at his mind, the fear of not making it home alive.

“Keep running! They’re catching up on us!” Jisung’s panicked voice spurred him to run faster, gritting his teeth and working through the burning in his legs. He did his best to ignore Felix’ pain-filled, fast breathing - at least he was still holding on as tightly as he could. That meant he was still conscious.

One second, he still saw Changbin next to him - the next he was already gone. 

His blood turned to ice and he threw a glance behind him. “Changbin!” Terror bled into his thoughts.

Did they kill him?

He almost stopped, but Jisung’s voice next to him kept him running. “Don’t stop! He’s killing the Runner who is closest - just keep running, he’ll catch up in a second!”

And indeed, it didn’t take a minute until Changbin appeared next to them once again. The relief almost made Chan stumble as he risked a side glance at his friend. It seemed like nothing had happened to him...if he turned out the fact that there was more black blood on his arms now. 

“We need to stop”, Chan gritted out through his teeth, panting. “I can’t...can’t run for long anymore.”

“I can’t either.” Changbin pointed forward. “We’re almost out of town though. The hoard is falling behind, I killed those who were still able to run. We...should be able to take a break there.”

 

Woojin jumped up from the loveseat as he saw three figures approaching their house - stumbling, two of them supporting the person in the middle who was bent under the weight of something on their back. The golden sun was setting behind him, making it difficult to see their faces.

Until one of them called.

“Woojin!”

Changbin. 

Which must mean... 

The group was back.

And they had found Felix.

“Hyungs!!” Apparently, Hyunjin had been coming to the same conclusion, jumping up from the ground where he had been cleaning firearms and running towards them, quickly followed by Woojin.

All three were breathing heavily - Chan though…

He looked like he was three steps away from fainting.

Woojin rushed to catch him as he stumbled into his arms. “Channie.” His voice a breath of relief before he caught sight of Felix’ orange hair tucked against Chan’s neck, his arms loosely looped around his neck.

“You found him.” Carefully letting go of Chan, he stepped behind him to take Felix in his eyes, frowning a bit at the pained puffs of air escaping his lips. Bleary eyes stared up at him, no recognition evitable in them. They flitted to Chan once again before closing, his body going limp in Woojin’s arms.

At the sight of the blood-soaked fabric on Felix’ side, his dangerously pale skin and also the fact that he just fainted - probably it was for the better -, Woojin decided not to question Chan on what happened. At least not now.

“He...needs...medicine...wounds”, Chan coughed out, pulling him out of his mind. He almost collapsed before Minho was on his side, holding him upright. 

Woojin nodded. “I’ll do what I can. You three clean up and take a rest. Minho...will bring you tea so you can sleep.”

He had seen the black blood on Jisung and Changbin, immediately telling Hyunjin to take the two with them to clean up, no touching of anything in their house before they hadn’t scrubbed off any trace of the infected blood.

Chan was better off. The only blood was on his clothes - they were stained partly red and black. The red probably came from Felix - which was not less worrying, if he was being honest.

Woojin watched Minho taking him back to the house before looking down on the unconscious Felix in his arms and walking into the house with a sigh and a smile playing around his lips.

“If you still don’t believe that Chan loves you…” He shook his head while walking to their small impromptu infirmary.

 

 

A few months has passed since that fateful day.

Felix sat in the loveseat on the porch, watching the beautiful sunset with a nervous gaze. He was sprawled out to be more comfortable, his legs hanging over the armrest at his knees while his head was propped up on the other. His blonde locks were tousled and astray as he constantly ran a nervous hand through them, his right foot lightly kicking the air as he stared towards the horizon. 

His eyelids grew heavier with every second that passed, making him yawn a bit and snuggle deeper into the cushion he was laying on. 

He didn’t fall asleep fully, more of a light slumber.

The faint crunching of gravel under shoes as well as hushed voices talking to each other awoke him again.

Felix blinked his eyes open once again at the creaking of wood. He stared in confusion for a few seconds, vision blurry from sleep before he registered three standing forms. Pushing himself up onto his elbows, he squinted at the figures before registering who they were. 

He quickly rolled off the couch, getting to his feet and running up to them, a big bright smile plastered on his face as he ran up to Chan, Jisung, and Changbin. 

Felix ran into Chan’s open arms as the two engrossed each other in a bone crushing hug, Chan burying his face in Felix’ neck while Felix wrapped his arms around Chan’s shoulders. He pressed a soft kiss to the side of Chan’s head, causing the older to nuzzle his nose further into the crook of Felix’s neck. 

Jisung fake gagged playfully from where he stood beside them. He glanced to Changbin, who just smirked at the couple knowingly and shook his head slightly. The two other members of the trio happily watched as their leader held Felix close, peppering his shoulder with light kisses, causing the blonde to break into a fit of silent giggles.

They couldn’t be happier for them.

 

That night, Chan lay on his back, his gaze fixed on a sleepy Felix, his hands gently running through his blonde locks as he hummed softly to himself. He couldn’t keep from smiling as Felix gently drew letters into his chest, his soft brown eyes half closed at he continued to draw shapes.

Chan leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to the top of Felix’s head, who tilted his head up to blink at Chan sleepily, a soft smile graced his features as he stared up at Chan with those beautiful sparkling eyes. 

Chan’s smile grew wider as he gently moved his hand from being tangled in Felix’s hair, to caress his cheek lovingly. He leaned down once again, pressing a soft kiss to Felix’s lips. The two stayed like that for a little while, breaths mingling. Neither one off them pulled away nor moved. 

“I love you”, Chan breathed softly as they both pulled back for air, Felix pressing his forehead to Chan’s gently with a big smile on his face.

He traced letters into Chan’s chest carefully, looking into his eyes deeply as if to convey all of his emotions.

_‘I L O V E Y O U T O O’_

He wrote into the fabric of Chan’s shirt, causing the older’s breath to hitch. A big goofy smile spread across his face as he looked at Felix with stars in his eyes.

It was the first time Felix had actually said ‘I love you’ to Chan since...since Chan had confessed to him.

Sure, he was affectionate, said those three words in many other ways with kisses and back hugs, but this was the first time he ever really explicitly said it to Chan in words.

Chan couldn’t have smiled any wider even if he wanted to, his gaze soft with adoration and admiration.

Felix returned his smile with equal love and softness. He gently cupped Chan’s face in his palms and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.  
Two boys, happy and in love. 

A mossy rosebud bloomed between two hearts. 

A love confession between two souls.

A puzzle once missing a piece, now whole. Showing a beautiful image of love and kindness.

Nine stray kids, just living. 

A family, finally…

Finally together.


End file.
